gavin cardigan walked into Poor Yorick's Pub, shrugged off his sodden trench coat and placed it on a wooden peg, tossed his fedora on the adjacent peg, and stepped up to the bar.
"what's on the menu tonight, buddy?"
danny blake, Pub proprietor, filled a pint with Guinness and slid it over to him.
"Guinness-braised short ribs, alongside old-fashioned colcannon."
cardigan took a long sip, allowing the dark-brown malted stout to warm his insides, and nodded. "sounds perfect. i'll take a healthy portion, please. and by healthy, i mean anything but healthy."
he took his pint and headed for his regular table, already surrounded by his regular Pub companions.
"gavin!"
he felt his insides grow even warmer as foxy charles greeted him with a quick hug and peck on the cheek
"hey, foxy! what brings you here tonight?"
"i missed my sis, and you guys, too," she answered with a grin. "and i brought a date!"
"oh."
"hey, cardigan. long time, no see," said the stunning face that appeared from behind foxy.
"oh, hey Juliet. nice to see you again," cardigan replied with relief, glaring at sierra charles, who was snickering at him and her crossdressing brother. "a charles family reunion?"
the Mysterious Lurker appeared suddenly at the table, her sky blue hair blowing in an non-existing wind. "no, gavin. juliet is the lead in the touring producting of "Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert! they're in San Francisco for three weeks."
"i brought tickets for everyone," juliet extended her hand. "i hope you can make it. it's for saturday night."
"that sounds great, thanks juliet." cardigan took his seat at the table, noticing that marian elfman was uncommonly quiet as she poked at her laptop.
"''sup, marian?"
"oh, hi gavin. i'm trying to figure out which questions to answer in my column," replied the advice columnist. what do you guys think of this one?"
Dear Marian,
My first cousin on my mother's side is engaged to a wonderful woman. The problem is, she's my first cousin on my father's side! Now, obviously they are not related by blood, so there's nothing technically wrong with it, BUT IT'S WRONG! My first cousins are marrying each other! Eeewwww! how i can talk them out this? I don't even know if I'm supposed to sit on the groom's side or the bride's side. It's so awkward!''
Signed,
In-laws or Outlaws
"that is...well, a rather interesting question, isn't it?" sierra noted.
"yes, sierra, i agree," foxy nodded.
"marian, what do you think about it? it sounds like these people--or this person--really needs your advice," juliet added hurriedly.
marian looked at the three of them with a face of surprise. "really? it doesn't seem that complicated to me."
danny blake delivered a steaming plate of short ribs and colcannon in front of cardigan. "i wonder how often that situation occurs? i've never heard of it before, but on the other hand, it doesn't sound that outlandish."
"i don't see the problem," cardigan muttered around a mouthful of goodness.
"you not thinking from the author's perspective, cardigan," sierra argued. "to them--or her or him--that is, it has to be really weird. these are family members that they--or her or him-- grew up with."
"but different sides of the family. they wouldn't even be at the same family reunions or christmas parties, right?" the Lurker pointed out.
"but i can see how it must be awkward for, um, whoever wrote that letter," foxy indicated. "the couple seems to be rather selfish to get married without thinking of their--or his or her--feelings."
"sounds like great song material," tucker mused, strumming a chord.
she's my cousin's cousin
the birds are a' singin' and the bees are a' buzzin'
she's my cousin's cousin
we say we does though my cousin says we doesn't
"that's...awful, tucker."
"i've just started! wait until i finish this baby. it'll be great!" strum strum...
marian scowled. "they aren't breaking any laws, and love is love. whoever the author is, i think they--or he, or she--is the one being selfish. they--or he, or she--shouldn't be so melodramatic!"
as she proclaimed the matter settled with her signature tagline, the three charles family members gave a barely audible hmph.
cardigan, always the detective, noticed and raised his eyebrows. "hey. wait a minute--"
"gavin, you'll be my date to juliet's show on saturday, won't you?" foxy grabbed his arm and leaned in close. "we can get a limo, make a night of it. what do you say?"
"what? date? me? um, yeah, that....that sounds great." cardigan was suddenly flustered. "wait, a limo?"
"i know a guy with a limo!" the tuxedo-clad Lurker exclaimed. "i can drive."
"woohoo!"
danny delivered another round to the table. "something wrong, gavin?"
"no....no, i just...what?"
danny smirked, gathered the empty glasses, and shook his head as he headed back to the bar.
Showing posts with label juliet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label juliet. Show all posts
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Saturday, January 1, 2011
You Say You Want A Resolution
"happy new year, danny boy!" gavin called out as he entered the Pub.
"back atcha, big guy!" danny blake replied as he poured a beer. "since it's new year's day, i'm serving black-eyed pea and chorizo soup with cornbread. sound good?"
"sounds great!" gavin took a sip from his pint then walked over to join his friends.
"happy new year, cardigan!" sierra charles greeted him.
"happy new year, everyone."
"so, how was your mystery date?" marian elfman asked gLeefully, referring to gavin's having volunteered to be auctioned off for a date at sierra's charity auction.
cardigan glared at sierra, then turned to glare at the witches across the Pub, who giggled and waved.
"i'm never doing that again. i had to pay for four meals!"
Mysterious Lurker guffawed. so help me, she guffawed. "guffaw! the witches bid on you?"
cardigan shuddered and took a large gulp of his beer. "they won. seems they have their own ideas of whom i should date and didn't want to take a chance that i'd meet somebody else."
marian hahaha'd. "hahaha! where did you eat?"
"verona."
"really? how's stoney?" danny asked about verona's 3-nostriled chef stoney karr as he delivered cardigan's soup.
"he's good. he says hello to everyone, especially you, charles," he grinned at sierra, happy to deflect attention away from himself.
"i'm glad he's doing well," sierra stated as she pinched off a corner of cardigan's cornbread.
"this soup is terrific, danny," cardigan told him as he moved the cornbread out of sierra's reach.
"burkie claims that eating black-eyed peas on new year's day brings good luck," foxy said as she walked up.
cardigan grinned, ignoring a woo-hoo from one of the witches. "looks like it's working! happy new year, foxy!"
"i didn't know you would be here today," sierra told her sister.
"that was my idea," burkie stated as he walked in, accompanied by special assistant hepzibah. "others are on their way."
"what's the occasion?" marian asked their handsome creator excitedly as juliet, judge st. bishop, boom-boom shakalaka, and benjamin franklin filed in.
"it's new year's day," burkie explained. "i wanted to see all of you again, and hear your resolutions for 2011."
"yay!" marian clapped. "i resolve to learn how to quilt!"
"really?" taylor looked at her. "why?"
"i think it'd be nice to make a nice burnt orange & white quilt for burkie! wait...why did i say that? that's not what i meant to say!" marian made an outrageous face of, er, outrage.
"why thank you, marian. that's very sweet of you," burkie smiled. "how about you, sierra?"
"i resolve to go on more blind dates," she replied immediately, then gasped. "i didn't say that! dammit, burkie, i didn't say that!"
"i resolve to make asian dumplings," danny stated.
burkie nodded his approval. "how about you, linda?"
"me?" the Pub's least developed character was surprised but eager. "i resolve to acquire a mysterious past, break my leg in a comical incident, break up with Tucker because of a dramatic misunderstanding, then make up with him again when we accidentally bump into each other in cuba, and take trapeze lessons, and learn chinese, and beat martina hingis in tennis, and--"
"i suggest you break your leg after beating martina in tennis," tucker, er, suggested. "as for me, i resolve to write a song about benjamin franklin."
"why, thank you, minstrel! that's uncommonly kind of you," the founding father beamed. "as for myself, i resolve to follow-up my invention of a time machine by inventing a vessel for keeping hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold."
"you invented a time machine?" the judge looked at him suspiciously.
"hem...haw..." mr. franklin hemmed and hawed.
burkie shot mr. franklin a warning look and asked the judge, "what is your resolution, your honor?"
"i resolve to impose longer jail sentences for plagiarists."
"um...yeah, right," burkie moved on quickly. "foxy?"
"i resolve to get our book on american culture published," foxy told him.
"excellent! juliet?"
"i resolve to launch a new shoe company that specializes in high-heeled shoes for men's feet," the crossdresser replied. "my feet are killing me!"
"i resolve to work out more," boom-boom stated, pulling her SFPD sweatshirt up enough to expose her abs. "i need more definition."
"how about you, hep?" burkie asked his special assistant. "hep? HEP?"
s.a. hepzibah blinked, then forced herself to turn away from boom-boom and answer, "i...i resolve to...to...learn to play piano. and don't call me hep!!!"
"i resolve to work on my accent," taylor noted in a not-quite-clipped british accent.
"how about you, linda?" burkie asked.
"you already asked me!" she exclaimed. "and i already answered!"
"oh, yeah. sorry, i forgot," burkie turned to shakespeare, who walked forward to collect the empty plates and glasses. "shakespeare?"
"the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought," sayethed the bard as he cleared the table.
"er, right. cardigan?"
"i resolve to drink more," cardigan, er, resolved, signaling danny for another pint.
"back atcha, big guy!" danny blake replied as he poured a beer. "since it's new year's day, i'm serving black-eyed pea and chorizo soup with cornbread. sound good?"
"sounds great!" gavin took a sip from his pint then walked over to join his friends.
"happy new year, cardigan!" sierra charles greeted him.
"happy new year, everyone."
"so, how was your mystery date?" marian elfman asked gLeefully, referring to gavin's having volunteered to be auctioned off for a date at sierra's charity auction.
cardigan glared at sierra, then turned to glare at the witches across the Pub, who giggled and waved.
"i'm never doing that again. i had to pay for four meals!"
Mysterious Lurker guffawed. so help me, she guffawed. "guffaw! the witches bid on you?"
cardigan shuddered and took a large gulp of his beer. "they won. seems they have their own ideas of whom i should date and didn't want to take a chance that i'd meet somebody else."
marian hahaha'd. "hahaha! where did you eat?"
"verona."
"really? how's stoney?" danny asked about verona's 3-nostriled chef stoney karr as he delivered cardigan's soup.
"he's good. he says hello to everyone, especially you, charles," he grinned at sierra, happy to deflect attention away from himself.
"i'm glad he's doing well," sierra stated as she pinched off a corner of cardigan's cornbread.
"this soup is terrific, danny," cardigan told him as he moved the cornbread out of sierra's reach.
"burkie claims that eating black-eyed peas on new year's day brings good luck," foxy said as she walked up.
cardigan grinned, ignoring a woo-hoo from one of the witches. "looks like it's working! happy new year, foxy!"
"i didn't know you would be here today," sierra told her sister.
"that was my idea," burkie stated as he walked in, accompanied by special assistant hepzibah. "others are on their way."
"what's the occasion?" marian asked their handsome creator excitedly as juliet, judge st. bishop, boom-boom shakalaka, and benjamin franklin filed in.
"it's new year's day," burkie explained. "i wanted to see all of you again, and hear your resolutions for 2011."
"yay!" marian clapped. "i resolve to learn how to quilt!"
"really?" taylor looked at her. "why?"
"i think it'd be nice to make a nice burnt orange & white quilt for burkie! wait...why did i say that? that's not what i meant to say!" marian made an outrageous face of, er, outrage.
"why thank you, marian. that's very sweet of you," burkie smiled. "how about you, sierra?"
"i resolve to go on more blind dates," she replied immediately, then gasped. "i didn't say that! dammit, burkie, i didn't say that!"
"i resolve to make asian dumplings," danny stated.
burkie nodded his approval. "how about you, linda?"
"me?" the Pub's least developed character was surprised but eager. "i resolve to acquire a mysterious past, break my leg in a comical incident, break up with Tucker because of a dramatic misunderstanding, then make up with him again when we accidentally bump into each other in cuba, and take trapeze lessons, and learn chinese, and beat martina hingis in tennis, and--"
"i suggest you break your leg after beating martina in tennis," tucker, er, suggested. "as for me, i resolve to write a song about benjamin franklin."
"why, thank you, minstrel! that's uncommonly kind of you," the founding father beamed. "as for myself, i resolve to follow-up my invention of a time machine by inventing a vessel for keeping hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold."
"you invented a time machine?" the judge looked at him suspiciously.
"hem...haw..." mr. franklin hemmed and hawed.
burkie shot mr. franklin a warning look and asked the judge, "what is your resolution, your honor?"
"i resolve to impose longer jail sentences for plagiarists."
"um...yeah, right," burkie moved on quickly. "foxy?"
"i resolve to get our book on american culture published," foxy told him.
"excellent! juliet?"
"i resolve to launch a new shoe company that specializes in high-heeled shoes for men's feet," the crossdresser replied. "my feet are killing me!"
"i resolve to work out more," boom-boom stated, pulling her SFPD sweatshirt up enough to expose her abs. "i need more definition."
"how about you, hep?" burkie asked his special assistant. "hep? HEP?"
s.a. hepzibah blinked, then forced herself to turn away from boom-boom and answer, "i...i resolve to...to...learn to play piano. and don't call me hep!!!"
"i resolve to work on my accent," taylor noted in a not-quite-clipped british accent.
"how about you, linda?" burkie asked.
"you already asked me!" she exclaimed. "and i already answered!"
"oh, yeah. sorry, i forgot," burkie turned to shakespeare, who walked forward to collect the empty plates and glasses. "shakespeare?"
"the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought," sayethed the bard as he cleared the table.
"er, right. cardigan?"
"i resolve to drink more," cardigan, er, resolved, signaling danny for another pint.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Choose Your Adventure!
((special thanks/blame to Mira for the story idea that follows!))
"howdy, danny boy!" gavin cardigan entered Poor Yorick's Pub and greeted the owner. "what's for supper?"
"cajun chicken pasta," danny blake replied from behind the bar, pouring an ale for his friend.
"thank you, sir," cardigan bowed. "it is an honor to dine here."
he took his ale over to join the others. "what's up, everyone?"
"hi, cardigan," sierra charles greeted him. "we were just discussing marian's latest column."
"did you get a good question?" cardigan asked marian elfman, author of the syndicated advice column "Don't Be So Melodramatic!"
"no," marian pouted. "i haven't gotten any really good questions in a long time. i may have to resort to making up my own questions."
"isn't that unethical?" linda nulo asked.
"no, not really. in fact, if it's a question that somebody is likely struggling with but is too embarrassed to ask for help, it's actually kind of a public service."
"uh-huh." cardigan sounded skeptical.
"i'm going to check my email. maybe there's a good question there." marian's fingers clicked and clacked over the keyboard of her laptop, then paused. "oh, i have an email from benjamin franklin!"
"our benjamin franklin?" judge st. bishop stormed in at that moment. "he's using email now?"
"OMG!" marian shrieked. "listen!"
Dear Marian,
I hope this electronic letter finds you well. This iPhone gadget is quite extraordinary! At any rate, I'm excited to inform you that I've made a breakthrough in my research into building a device for traveling through time! I'm talking about purposeful, controlled time travel, not randomingly popping up in somebody's Pub based on the whims of a no-talent blogger. I am about to embark on my first journey. Wish me luck! I'm going to Boston, Massuchessets on March 10, 1876 to witness Alexander Graham Bell as he introduces the first telephone. Honestly, the only thing he could think of to say is "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you?!" The man has no sense of the moment!
The point of my letter, however, is to let you know my intentions. If you do not receive another electronic letter from me in 1 hour, then I fear my experiment may have gone awry and I may need assistance. I feel certain that that should not prove necessary, however, and I look forward to sharing my story with you.
Your friend,
Benjamin Franklin
"he sent this 3 hours ago and there's no follow-up! we have to save him, gavin!"
"i knew something like this would happen!" the judge grumbled, shaking his fist. "damn you, burkie!"
"how are we going to save him?" danny asked as he walked over to deliver cardigan's pasta. "we don't have a time machine."
"no, we don't. but h.g. wells invented one and it's in a museum right here in san francisco," cardigan pointed out. "according to the movie Time After Time, that is. we'll just go use that to go find mr. franklin."
"you do that," the Lurker said with a shake of her head. "i just saw the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and if i'm going to travel through time, i'd rather do it in a hot tub."
"not me," linda was shaking her head. "i'm going for the delorean in Back To The Future!"
"pardon me," a handsome man who looked a lot like eric bana walked in. "perhaps i can be of assistance? my name is henry detamble and i am chrono-impaired, which means i can travel through time."
"i'm with him!" sierra jumped up and went to him. "i'm sierra. this won't make me sick, will it?"
"well, no," detamble looked embarrassed. "but--"
"then let's go!"
the judge's thumbs were in overdrive sending a text message. "you guys go ahead. i'm contacting the ChronoGuard from jasper fforde's thursday next series. they respect the principles underlying time travel and understand the consequences of getting it wrong."
"howdy, danny boy!" gavin cardigan entered Poor Yorick's Pub and greeted the owner. "what's for supper?"
"cajun chicken pasta," danny blake replied from behind the bar, pouring an ale for his friend.
"thank you, sir," cardigan bowed. "it is an honor to dine here."
he took his ale over to join the others. "what's up, everyone?"
"hi, cardigan," sierra charles greeted him. "we were just discussing marian's latest column."
"did you get a good question?" cardigan asked marian elfman, author of the syndicated advice column "Don't Be So Melodramatic!"
"no," marian pouted. "i haven't gotten any really good questions in a long time. i may have to resort to making up my own questions."
"isn't that unethical?" linda nulo asked.
"no, not really. in fact, if it's a question that somebody is likely struggling with but is too embarrassed to ask for help, it's actually kind of a public service."
"uh-huh." cardigan sounded skeptical.
"i'm going to check my email. maybe there's a good question there." marian's fingers clicked and clacked over the keyboard of her laptop, then paused. "oh, i have an email from benjamin franklin!"
"our benjamin franklin?" judge st. bishop stormed in at that moment. "he's using email now?"
"OMG!" marian shrieked. "listen!"
Dear Marian,
I hope this electronic letter finds you well. This iPhone gadget is quite extraordinary! At any rate, I'm excited to inform you that I've made a breakthrough in my research into building a device for traveling through time! I'm talking about purposeful, controlled time travel, not randomingly popping up in somebody's Pub based on the whims of a no-talent blogger. I am about to embark on my first journey. Wish me luck! I'm going to Boston, Massuchessets on March 10, 1876 to witness Alexander Graham Bell as he introduces the first telephone. Honestly, the only thing he could think of to say is "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you?!" The man has no sense of the moment!
The point of my letter, however, is to let you know my intentions. If you do not receive another electronic letter from me in 1 hour, then I fear my experiment may have gone awry and I may need assistance. I feel certain that that should not prove necessary, however, and I look forward to sharing my story with you.
Your friend,
Benjamin Franklin
"he sent this 3 hours ago and there's no follow-up! we have to save him, gavin!"
"i knew something like this would happen!" the judge grumbled, shaking his fist. "damn you, burkie!"
"how are we going to save him?" danny asked as he walked over to deliver cardigan's pasta. "we don't have a time machine."
"no, we don't. but h.g. wells invented one and it's in a museum right here in san francisco," cardigan pointed out. "according to the movie Time After Time, that is. we'll just go use that to go find mr. franklin."
"you do that," the Lurker said with a shake of her head. "i just saw the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and if i'm going to travel through time, i'd rather do it in a hot tub."
"not me," linda was shaking her head. "i'm going for the delorean in Back To The Future!"
"pardon me," a handsome man who looked a lot like eric bana walked in. "perhaps i can be of assistance? my name is henry detamble and i am chrono-impaired, which means i can travel through time."
"i'm with him!" sierra jumped up and went to him. "i'm sierra. this won't make me sick, will it?"
"well, no," detamble looked embarrassed. "but--"
"then let's go!"
the judge's thumbs were in overdrive sending a text message. "you guys go ahead. i'm contacting the ChronoGuard from jasper fforde's thursday next series. they respect the principles underlying time travel and understand the consequences of getting it wrong."
"listen, love." taylor elbowed marian, earning a scowl. "we should call up hermione granger from the Harry Potter series and use her time turner necklace thingie."
"do you know hermione granger?"
"yes. she interviewed me last year while doing research on vampires."
"you never told me that!" marian stomped her foot, scowling even more fiercely at taylor. "i want to meet hermione!"
the door burst open then and they turned to see foxy & julius/juliet charles rushing in. "we want to help!"
"foxy!" cardigan greeted her happily. "you guys can come with me. i'm planning to use h.g. wells' time machine to rescue mr. franklin."
"no, man. let's use the sonic transducer!" juliet stated excitedly.
"what's that?"
"it's the audio-vibratory physio-molecular transport device used by dr. frank-n-furter in the Rocky Horror Picture Show," juliet explained.
"but it was used to transport matter through space," the judge noted with a frown. "dr. everett scott only speculated that it could transport matter through time as well."
"it's time we found out, then," said juliet. "who's with me?"
gavin nodded. "right, i think time travel is too tricky for us to rely on just one method, but none of us should go alone."
"i'm going with henry," sierra stated defiantly, looking up at her traveling companion and adding a silent "woof!"
"taylor and i will go with hermione," marian said, looking both excited and anxious.
"ava!" the Lurker called, and burkie's friend ava reinier popped up. "we're going to time travel through a hot tub to find mr. franklin. get your swimsuit!"
"yay!"
"tucker, are you going with linda?"
tucker shook his head. "no, i'm prone to motion sickness. i'll think i'd better hang back here, in case mr. franklin shows up on his own."
"i'll go with linda," sgt. tarboom "boom-boom" shakalaka announced as she walked in. "i'll drive."
"like hell you will. it was my idea!"
boom-boom met linda's gaze and nodded. "fair enough."
"i won't be alone," the judge pointed out. "i'll be with a time travel professional from the ChronoGuard."
gavin nodded and looked around the room. "okay, so everybody has a partner except for juliet. who--"
"don't worry, everybody. i'm here to help!" heads turned and eyes rolled as dat rhaymes (AKA the black darter) strutted in, a blow gun strapped across his back. he bowed and kissed juliet's hand. "i'll protect you, m'lady."
juliet exchanged a look with sierra. "is he for real?"
sierra sighed. "dat, this is my brother juliet. juliet, dat is a vigilante who calls himself the black darter."
"well, aren't we the dressed-up pair!"
"all right, teams. let's go find mr. franklin!"
and now, a public service announcement from burkie:
dear readers, welcome to the Pub's first interactive adventure. that's right, you get to choose whose adventure you want to read. click on the link of your choice below to go to your next chapter.
gavin & foxy in the h.g. wells time machine
Mysterious Lurker and burkie's friend ava in the hot tub time machine
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