18 May XXXX
Dear Diary,
Today started wonderfully. Wee Willie surprised me by coming over early and making breakfast.
SO SWEET!!!
He was wearing pajamas and kept running up & down the stairs asking if i was still in bed because it was past 10 o'clock.
SO CUTE!!!
(I didn't have the heart to tell him that the french toast was soggy)
But, before I could choke down a second bite, my friend K called to complain about her boyfriend. He's always bossing her around and criticizing her faults, but she's always bending over backwards to please him! And then I have to listen to her complain!
SO MUCH DRAMA!!!
Then, Wee Willie and I went to his sister's house to help her get ready for her garage sale tomorrow. Their mother was there, too, and kept telling her that she shouldn't sell things from her childhood. So she would tell her mother that those things didn't mean anything to her anymore, but her mother said that still meant something to her. So she told her mother that she should buy them if she wanted them, and her mother was offended that she would make her pay, and asked me what I thought.
HOW DO I GET PULLED INTO THESE THINGS?!?!
Then, at the gas station, these biker guys were arguing about what kind of tattoo to get. one of them wanted to gets words "Junkyard Dogs" tattooed on their arms, and the other guy wanted to get drawings of a junkyard dog tattooed on their arms. And they wanted me...a complete stranger...a girl...a cellist...to decide for them.
WTF?!?!
Why can't people solve their own problems? Sometimes I feel like the Bay Area's Dear Abby! Oh, well. Tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks for listening, diary.
Sincerely,
ME
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Snapshots: It Started In Memphis
the setting: memphis, tennessee. it's august, hot, and humid.
scene 1: the living room of a low-income house. a single mother with her twin children--a boy and a girl--around 10-years old. a beloved shaggy dog is lying on a bedraggled shaggy rug. there is a large box fan in the open window, creating a breeze of dubious benefit.
the girl looked up from a book she was reading. "mom, can we go somewhere different for our summer vacation next year?"
"where do you have in mind, sweety? paris? london?"
"how about the moon?" her brother chimed in good-naturedly. "or mars!"
the girl stuck her tongue out at her twin. "san francisco! look how pretty it is!"
she held up her book, showing them a double-page photo of the Golden Gate Bridge.
her mother took the book. "it's lovely, annie. but san francisco is on the other side of the country, you know."
"we can have an adventure!" the twin brother jumped up to grab another book, opening it up to a map of the united states. "look, we can go through texas and see cowboys!"
"and oil wells!" annie added.
their mother laughed. "you and your bridges and oil wells and skyscrapers! you really are going to be the greatest female engineer ever, aren't you?"
"can we take yorick with us, too?" the boy said as he rubbed the shaggy dog's belly, making him open his eyes and yawn with a light whimper.
"you woke him up! poor yorick. poor yorick!" annie laughed and reached over to pat the dog as she chanted the dog's namesake.
a car horn honked outside.
"there's maryanne and alex," their mother said. "grab your bag, donnie, and give me a hug."
the boy ran into the bedroom and came back with a small bag. "love you, mom," he said as he hurriedly hugged his mother. "bye, annie! bye, yorick!"
"bye, donnie!"
their mother followed donnie to the front door, waving at their friend maryanne michaelson and her son, alex, and watched as they drove donnie over to their house for a sleepover.
scene 2: the michaelson house, later that evening.
"honey, can you check on the boys and make sure they're okay?"
maryanne's husband george nodded and went out the back door. "boys, you doing okay out there?"
there was laughter from inside a small tent set up in the yard, flashlights shimmering dimly from inside. "we're good, dad!"
"okay, well keep the noise down a little bit, all right?"
"okay, dad!"
"they're fine," he told his wife as he came back inside. "stop worrying."
there was a knock at the door.
"who could that be?" maryanne asked her husband, who shrugged.
she looked out the front window next to the door. "it's the police!"
scene 3: memphis police department, the following day. donnie and his aunt are meeting with a police officer and a u.s. marshall.
"look, son," the police officer looked across his desk from donnie. "i know you're scared. a terrible, terrible thing has happened. we're trying to make sure that more terrible things don't happen."
"but what if annie comes back? what if she's looking for me? i have to be there for her!"
the other man--the one wearing a suit--pulled his chair over. "donnie, listen to me. the man who killed your mother kidnapped your sister. he would have taken you, too, if you had been there. he will continue to look for you."
donnie looked up at the woman next to him. "aunt brenda, i don't want to go!"
she pulled him close. "we have to, baby. we're all each other has now. both of our sisters have been taken away from us. we have to take care of each other." she looked at the man in the suit. "the marshall says he can move us anywhere in the country we want to go. we can have new names and start a whole new life. it will be an adventure. okay, donnie?"
he looked at the marshall. "my name won't be donnie craig anymore?"
the marshall shook his head. "no, son. you have to change it. how about danny? danny blake."
the boy shrugged.
"and your name will be lucy, ma'am. is that okay?"
brenda nodded, wiping her eyes. "lucy. yes, that's a fine name. isn't that a fine name, don--danny?"
"where would you like to live, danny?" the marhsall asked him.
"i don't know."
"how about florida? some place near the beach."
he raised his head. "can we go to san francisco?"
"san francisco? why there, son?"
"i...i want to see the Golden Gate Bridge." he turned to his aunt. "can we go there, aunt lucy? please?"
she looked at the marshall who nodded. "yes, danny. we can go to san francisco. just the two of us. it will be an adventure." she hugged him again.
"actually, it will be the three of you," the marshall said as he signaled one of his men. the door opened, and a shaggy dog was led into the room.
"yorick!"
scene 1: the living room of a low-income house. a single mother with her twin children--a boy and a girl--around 10-years old. a beloved shaggy dog is lying on a bedraggled shaggy rug. there is a large box fan in the open window, creating a breeze of dubious benefit.
the girl looked up from a book she was reading. "mom, can we go somewhere different for our summer vacation next year?"
"where do you have in mind, sweety? paris? london?"
"how about the moon?" her brother chimed in good-naturedly. "or mars!"
the girl stuck her tongue out at her twin. "san francisco! look how pretty it is!"
she held up her book, showing them a double-page photo of the Golden Gate Bridge.
her mother took the book. "it's lovely, annie. but san francisco is on the other side of the country, you know."
"we can have an adventure!" the twin brother jumped up to grab another book, opening it up to a map of the united states. "look, we can go through texas and see cowboys!"
"and oil wells!" annie added.
their mother laughed. "you and your bridges and oil wells and skyscrapers! you really are going to be the greatest female engineer ever, aren't you?"
"can we take yorick with us, too?" the boy said as he rubbed the shaggy dog's belly, making him open his eyes and yawn with a light whimper.
"you woke him up! poor yorick. poor yorick!" annie laughed and reached over to pat the dog as she chanted the dog's namesake.
a car horn honked outside.
"there's maryanne and alex," their mother said. "grab your bag, donnie, and give me a hug."
the boy ran into the bedroom and came back with a small bag. "love you, mom," he said as he hurriedly hugged his mother. "bye, annie! bye, yorick!"
"bye, donnie!"
their mother followed donnie to the front door, waving at their friend maryanne michaelson and her son, alex, and watched as they drove donnie over to their house for a sleepover.
scene 2: the michaelson house, later that evening.
"honey, can you check on the boys and make sure they're okay?"
maryanne's husband george nodded and went out the back door. "boys, you doing okay out there?"
there was laughter from inside a small tent set up in the yard, flashlights shimmering dimly from inside. "we're good, dad!"
"okay, well keep the noise down a little bit, all right?"
"okay, dad!"
"they're fine," he told his wife as he came back inside. "stop worrying."
there was a knock at the door.
"who could that be?" maryanne asked her husband, who shrugged.
she looked out the front window next to the door. "it's the police!"
scene 3: memphis police department, the following day. donnie and his aunt are meeting with a police officer and a u.s. marshall.
"look, son," the police officer looked across his desk from donnie. "i know you're scared. a terrible, terrible thing has happened. we're trying to make sure that more terrible things don't happen."
"but what if annie comes back? what if she's looking for me? i have to be there for her!"
the other man--the one wearing a suit--pulled his chair over. "donnie, listen to me. the man who killed your mother kidnapped your sister. he would have taken you, too, if you had been there. he will continue to look for you."
donnie looked up at the woman next to him. "aunt brenda, i don't want to go!"
she pulled him close. "we have to, baby. we're all each other has now. both of our sisters have been taken away from us. we have to take care of each other." she looked at the man in the suit. "the marshall says he can move us anywhere in the country we want to go. we can have new names and start a whole new life. it will be an adventure. okay, donnie?"
he looked at the marshall. "my name won't be donnie craig anymore?"
the marshall shook his head. "no, son. you have to change it. how about danny? danny blake."
the boy shrugged.
"and your name will be lucy, ma'am. is that okay?"
brenda nodded, wiping her eyes. "lucy. yes, that's a fine name. isn't that a fine name, don--danny?"
"where would you like to live, danny?" the marhsall asked him.
"i don't know."
"how about florida? some place near the beach."
he raised his head. "can we go to san francisco?"
"san francisco? why there, son?"
"i...i want to see the Golden Gate Bridge." he turned to his aunt. "can we go there, aunt lucy? please?"
she looked at the marshall who nodded. "yes, danny. we can go to san francisco. just the two of us. it will be an adventure." she hugged him again.
"actually, it will be the three of you," the marshall said as he signaled one of his men. the door opened, and a shaggy dog was led into the room.
"yorick!"
Sunday, June 6, 2010
A New Series
gavin cardigan walked into Poor Yorick's Pub an on early summer evening and greeted his long-time friend behind the bar. "what's on the menu tonight, danny boy?"
"spicy asian chicken wings," danny blake replied, pouring an ale for his best customer. "i was in the mood for wings, so i hope you are, too."
"i can't remember a time when i wasn't in the mood for wings, my friend," gavin raised his pint in salute to the chef, then walked back to join the other regular publicans.
"gavin, look who's here!" marian elfman indicated their handsome creator.
"oh," cardigan regarded burkie with some annoyance. "i don't suppose you're here to fill in the holes in our memories, are you? none of us have a clue as to what happened in the previous chapter."
burkie shook his head. "no, i can't do that. i made a pact with my readers that i wouldn't."
"but we outnumber your readers," sierra pointed out. "shouldn't that count for something?"
"sierra, i would think that you--of all characters--would prefer not to know what happened in that story."
monte the pub dog woofed at that and wagged his tail knowingly.
sierra looked at monte suspiciously. "monte doesn't know anything, does he?"
"what? of course not," burkie scoffed. "dogs can't read."
burkie took a sip of his ale and gave monte a quick wink.
"so why are you here, burkie?" danny asked as he brought a platter of wings over to cardigan.
"i wanted to let you know that i'm starting a new series," burkie explained as he grabbed a wing, earning a glare from cardigan who, because he was glaring at burkie, didn't see sierra steal a wing, too.
"another series?" taylor, who had been leaning back in his chair, tried to tilt it forward again but wound up falling backwards, instead.
"you're not going to write about us anymore?" Mysterious Lurker popped in suddenly, her eyes blazing beneath her punk-red hair.
"on the contrary," burkie corrected her. "i'm actually going to write even more about you. each chapter of the new series will focus on just one of the regular characters, but it will be a story from his or her past. back stories, if you will."
"that's a great idea!" marian exclaimed. "that sounds like an idea i would've come up with, actually."
"thank you, marian. what do the rest of you think?"
"you'll continue to write stories about the Pub, too, right?" danny asked. "i can't afford to lose the business this blog brings me."
"oh, yes," burkie assured him. "the back stories will just be occasionally sprinkled in."
"i'm all for it," linda nulo, the least developed character stated. "who's first?"
"i don't know," burkie admitted. "any suggestions?"
there was a chorus of "Me!"
"someone was a little flat," burkie noted, looking at taylor.
"it wasn't me, mate. i've got perfect pitch."
"maybe you should let your readers decide," sierra suggested.
"hmmm," burkie mused. "not a bad idea, but i don't know. i don't want it to turn into a popularity contest."
"what are you going to call the new series?" marian asked. "BackStories?"
"i was considering that, but i did a search and discovered that that term is already being used."
"since when have you cared about originality?" cardigan asked.
"how about The Early Years?"
"Prequels?"
"Snapshots?"
"Glimpses?"
"Solo Adventures?"
"Delvings?"
"hmmm, i kinda like Snapshots. who said that?"
there was another chorus of "Me!"
"much better that time," burkie approved.
"spicy asian chicken wings," danny blake replied, pouring an ale for his best customer. "i was in the mood for wings, so i hope you are, too."
"i can't remember a time when i wasn't in the mood for wings, my friend," gavin raised his pint in salute to the chef, then walked back to join the other regular publicans.
"gavin, look who's here!" marian elfman indicated their handsome creator.
"oh," cardigan regarded burkie with some annoyance. "i don't suppose you're here to fill in the holes in our memories, are you? none of us have a clue as to what happened in the previous chapter."
burkie shook his head. "no, i can't do that. i made a pact with my readers that i wouldn't."
"but we outnumber your readers," sierra pointed out. "shouldn't that count for something?"
"sierra, i would think that you--of all characters--would prefer not to know what happened in that story."
monte the pub dog woofed at that and wagged his tail knowingly.
sierra looked at monte suspiciously. "monte doesn't know anything, does he?"
"what? of course not," burkie scoffed. "dogs can't read."
burkie took a sip of his ale and gave monte a quick wink.
"so why are you here, burkie?" danny asked as he brought a platter of wings over to cardigan.
"i wanted to let you know that i'm starting a new series," burkie explained as he grabbed a wing, earning a glare from cardigan who, because he was glaring at burkie, didn't see sierra steal a wing, too.
"another series?" taylor, who had been leaning back in his chair, tried to tilt it forward again but wound up falling backwards, instead.
"you're not going to write about us anymore?" Mysterious Lurker popped in suddenly, her eyes blazing beneath her punk-red hair.
"on the contrary," burkie corrected her. "i'm actually going to write even more about you. each chapter of the new series will focus on just one of the regular characters, but it will be a story from his or her past. back stories, if you will."
"that's a great idea!" marian exclaimed. "that sounds like an idea i would've come up with, actually."
"thank you, marian. what do the rest of you think?"
"you'll continue to write stories about the Pub, too, right?" danny asked. "i can't afford to lose the business this blog brings me."
"oh, yes," burkie assured him. "the back stories will just be occasionally sprinkled in."
"i'm all for it," linda nulo, the least developed character stated. "who's first?"
"i don't know," burkie admitted. "any suggestions?"
there was a chorus of "Me!"
"someone was a little flat," burkie noted, looking at taylor.
"it wasn't me, mate. i've got perfect pitch."
"maybe you should let your readers decide," sierra suggested.
"hmmm," burkie mused. "not a bad idea, but i don't know. i don't want it to turn into a popularity contest."
"what are you going to call the new series?" marian asked. "BackStories?"
"i was considering that, but i did a search and discovered that that term is already being used."
"since when have you cared about originality?" cardigan asked.
"how about The Early Years?"
"Prequels?"
"Snapshots?"
"Glimpses?"
"Solo Adventures?"
"Delvings?"
"hmmm, i kinda like Snapshots. who said that?"
there was another chorus of "Me!"
"much better that time," burkie approved.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Choose Your Adventure!
((special thanks/blame to Mira for the story idea that follows!))
"howdy, danny boy!" gavin cardigan entered Poor Yorick's Pub and greeted the owner. "what's for supper?"
"cajun chicken pasta," danny blake replied from behind the bar, pouring an ale for his friend.
"thank you, sir," cardigan bowed. "it is an honor to dine here."
he took his ale over to join the others. "what's up, everyone?"
"hi, cardigan," sierra charles greeted him. "we were just discussing marian's latest column."
"did you get a good question?" cardigan asked marian elfman, author of the syndicated advice column "Don't Be So Melodramatic!"
"no," marian pouted. "i haven't gotten any really good questions in a long time. i may have to resort to making up my own questions."
"isn't that unethical?" linda nulo asked.
"no, not really. in fact, if it's a question that somebody is likely struggling with but is too embarrassed to ask for help, it's actually kind of a public service."
"uh-huh." cardigan sounded skeptical.
"i'm going to check my email. maybe there's a good question there." marian's fingers clicked and clacked over the keyboard of her laptop, then paused. "oh, i have an email from benjamin franklin!"
"our benjamin franklin?" judge st. bishop stormed in at that moment. "he's using email now?"
"OMG!" marian shrieked. "listen!"
Dear Marian,
I hope this electronic letter finds you well. This iPhone gadget is quite extraordinary! At any rate, I'm excited to inform you that I've made a breakthrough in my research into building a device for traveling through time! I'm talking about purposeful, controlled time travel, not randomingly popping up in somebody's Pub based on the whims of a no-talent blogger. I am about to embark on my first journey. Wish me luck! I'm going to Boston, Massuchessets on March 10, 1876 to witness Alexander Graham Bell as he introduces the first telephone. Honestly, the only thing he could think of to say is "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you?!" The man has no sense of the moment!
The point of my letter, however, is to let you know my intentions. If you do not receive another electronic letter from me in 1 hour, then I fear my experiment may have gone awry and I may need assistance. I feel certain that that should not prove necessary, however, and I look forward to sharing my story with you.
Your friend,
Benjamin Franklin
"he sent this 3 hours ago and there's no follow-up! we have to save him, gavin!"
"i knew something like this would happen!" the judge grumbled, shaking his fist. "damn you, burkie!"
"how are we going to save him?" danny asked as he walked over to deliver cardigan's pasta. "we don't have a time machine."
"no, we don't. but h.g. wells invented one and it's in a museum right here in san francisco," cardigan pointed out. "according to the movie Time After Time, that is. we'll just go use that to go find mr. franklin."
"you do that," the Lurker said with a shake of her head. "i just saw the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and if i'm going to travel through time, i'd rather do it in a hot tub."
"not me," linda was shaking her head. "i'm going for the delorean in Back To The Future!"
"pardon me," a handsome man who looked a lot like eric bana walked in. "perhaps i can be of assistance? my name is henry detamble and i am chrono-impaired, which means i can travel through time."
"i'm with him!" sierra jumped up and went to him. "i'm sierra. this won't make me sick, will it?"
"well, no," detamble looked embarrassed. "but--"
"then let's go!"
the judge's thumbs were in overdrive sending a text message. "you guys go ahead. i'm contacting the ChronoGuard from jasper fforde's thursday next series. they respect the principles underlying time travel and understand the consequences of getting it wrong."
"howdy, danny boy!" gavin cardigan entered Poor Yorick's Pub and greeted the owner. "what's for supper?"
"cajun chicken pasta," danny blake replied from behind the bar, pouring an ale for his friend.
"thank you, sir," cardigan bowed. "it is an honor to dine here."
he took his ale over to join the others. "what's up, everyone?"
"hi, cardigan," sierra charles greeted him. "we were just discussing marian's latest column."
"did you get a good question?" cardigan asked marian elfman, author of the syndicated advice column "Don't Be So Melodramatic!"
"no," marian pouted. "i haven't gotten any really good questions in a long time. i may have to resort to making up my own questions."
"isn't that unethical?" linda nulo asked.
"no, not really. in fact, if it's a question that somebody is likely struggling with but is too embarrassed to ask for help, it's actually kind of a public service."
"uh-huh." cardigan sounded skeptical.
"i'm going to check my email. maybe there's a good question there." marian's fingers clicked and clacked over the keyboard of her laptop, then paused. "oh, i have an email from benjamin franklin!"
"our benjamin franklin?" judge st. bishop stormed in at that moment. "he's using email now?"
"OMG!" marian shrieked. "listen!"
Dear Marian,
I hope this electronic letter finds you well. This iPhone gadget is quite extraordinary! At any rate, I'm excited to inform you that I've made a breakthrough in my research into building a device for traveling through time! I'm talking about purposeful, controlled time travel, not randomingly popping up in somebody's Pub based on the whims of a no-talent blogger. I am about to embark on my first journey. Wish me luck! I'm going to Boston, Massuchessets on March 10, 1876 to witness Alexander Graham Bell as he introduces the first telephone. Honestly, the only thing he could think of to say is "Mr. Watson, come here, I want you?!" The man has no sense of the moment!
The point of my letter, however, is to let you know my intentions. If you do not receive another electronic letter from me in 1 hour, then I fear my experiment may have gone awry and I may need assistance. I feel certain that that should not prove necessary, however, and I look forward to sharing my story with you.
Your friend,
Benjamin Franklin
"he sent this 3 hours ago and there's no follow-up! we have to save him, gavin!"
"i knew something like this would happen!" the judge grumbled, shaking his fist. "damn you, burkie!"
"how are we going to save him?" danny asked as he walked over to deliver cardigan's pasta. "we don't have a time machine."
"no, we don't. but h.g. wells invented one and it's in a museum right here in san francisco," cardigan pointed out. "according to the movie Time After Time, that is. we'll just go use that to go find mr. franklin."
"you do that," the Lurker said with a shake of her head. "i just saw the movie Hot Tub Time Machine and if i'm going to travel through time, i'd rather do it in a hot tub."
"not me," linda was shaking her head. "i'm going for the delorean in Back To The Future!"
"pardon me," a handsome man who looked a lot like eric bana walked in. "perhaps i can be of assistance? my name is henry detamble and i am chrono-impaired, which means i can travel through time."
"i'm with him!" sierra jumped up and went to him. "i'm sierra. this won't make me sick, will it?"
"well, no," detamble looked embarrassed. "but--"
"then let's go!"
the judge's thumbs were in overdrive sending a text message. "you guys go ahead. i'm contacting the ChronoGuard from jasper fforde's thursday next series. they respect the principles underlying time travel and understand the consequences of getting it wrong."
"listen, love." taylor elbowed marian, earning a scowl. "we should call up hermione granger from the Harry Potter series and use her time turner necklace thingie."
"do you know hermione granger?"
"yes. she interviewed me last year while doing research on vampires."
"you never told me that!" marian stomped her foot, scowling even more fiercely at taylor. "i want to meet hermione!"
the door burst open then and they turned to see foxy & julius/juliet charles rushing in. "we want to help!"
"foxy!" cardigan greeted her happily. "you guys can come with me. i'm planning to use h.g. wells' time machine to rescue mr. franklin."
"no, man. let's use the sonic transducer!" juliet stated excitedly.
"what's that?"
"it's the audio-vibratory physio-molecular transport device used by dr. frank-n-furter in the Rocky Horror Picture Show," juliet explained.
"but it was used to transport matter through space," the judge noted with a frown. "dr. everett scott only speculated that it could transport matter through time as well."
"it's time we found out, then," said juliet. "who's with me?"
gavin nodded. "right, i think time travel is too tricky for us to rely on just one method, but none of us should go alone."
"i'm going with henry," sierra stated defiantly, looking up at her traveling companion and adding a silent "woof!"
"taylor and i will go with hermione," marian said, looking both excited and anxious.
"ava!" the Lurker called, and burkie's friend ava reinier popped up. "we're going to time travel through a hot tub to find mr. franklin. get your swimsuit!"
"yay!"
"tucker, are you going with linda?"
tucker shook his head. "no, i'm prone to motion sickness. i'll think i'd better hang back here, in case mr. franklin shows up on his own."
"i'll go with linda," sgt. tarboom "boom-boom" shakalaka announced as she walked in. "i'll drive."
"like hell you will. it was my idea!"
boom-boom met linda's gaze and nodded. "fair enough."
"i won't be alone," the judge pointed out. "i'll be with a time travel professional from the ChronoGuard."
gavin nodded and looked around the room. "okay, so everybody has a partner except for juliet. who--"
"don't worry, everybody. i'm here to help!" heads turned and eyes rolled as dat rhaymes (AKA the black darter) strutted in, a blow gun strapped across his back. he bowed and kissed juliet's hand. "i'll protect you, m'lady."
juliet exchanged a look with sierra. "is he for real?"
sierra sighed. "dat, this is my brother juliet. juliet, dat is a vigilante who calls himself the black darter."
"well, aren't we the dressed-up pair!"
"all right, teams. let's go find mr. franklin!"
and now, a public service announcement from burkie:
dear readers, welcome to the Pub's first interactive adventure. that's right, you get to choose whose adventure you want to read. click on the link of your choice below to go to your next chapter.
gavin & foxy in the h.g. wells time machine
Mysterious Lurker and burkie's friend ava in the hot tub time machine
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