CYA: Sierra & Henry Option 2

NOTE: if you did not jump to this chapter as a result of the Choose Your Adventure story, please go here before reading any further!



sierra & henry appeared in the middle of a corridor of a building on the campus of boston university. there were nekkid.

sierra shrieked and ran down the corridor into a room. henry scurried after her and closed the door.

"why are we nekkid?!" she yelled at him. "and turn around!"

henry sighed as he turned his back on her. "i tried to explain, but you wouldn't let me. every time i timetravel, my clothes don't come with me."

sierra glared at his backside while, simultaneously, admiring the view. "that's an annoying power you have!"

"if it makes you feel any better, i didn't choose it; i was born with it."

"well, go get us something to wear!"

henry poked his head outside the door and then darted out, closing the door behind him. he returned in about 5 minutes wearing a black graduation gown and carrying another for sierra. "here, wear this."

sierra put it on but then scowled. "i can't be seen wearing this! go find me something else."

henry scowled in return. "we don't have time for that. we have to find mr. franklin!"

she stomped her foot. "i am NOT leaving this room wearing this ridiculous thing! go find me something else!"

henry stormed out of the room grumbling about divas. he returned about 47 minutes later with a yellow sun dress. "here!" he threw them at her. "happy?"

"yellow?!" she shuddered. "i can't wear pastels. i need rich tones."

henry rolled his eyes. "you've got to be kidding me!"

she narrowed her eyes at him. "it's not my fault that i arrived without my clothes. now go!"

henry stomped out, grumbling about primadonnas.

"i heard that!"

he arrived about an hour later and threw her a bundle of red, white, and blue cloth at her. "here!"

she held up a frilly dress with red, white, and blue horizontal stripes. "what the hell is this?!"

henry sighed. "it's 1876. the centennial celebration is very popular. there are lots of people wearing red, white, & blue cothing. it's very patriotic."

"i'm not betsy ross! and horizontal stripes? no way."

"you'll look fine. come on, we don't have time for this!"

"i'm not wearing that!"

they glared at each other, and henry blinked first. "damn. all right, one more trip." he left, grumbling something else under his breath.

"what was that?!"

but he was gone, and this time he didn't make it back for nearly an hour and a half. "here!"

the gave her a a simple yet elegant dress of rich navy blue. "very nice!" she put it on and twirled around in it. "is there any way i can take this back with us?"

"no."

"hmph."

"okay, let's go!" henry said with some annoyance as she twirled again.

"wait, what about the shoes? i can't go barefoot."

"oh, for cryin' out loud!"

"i'll need heels, about two inches, size 9, but make sure the toes aren't too pointed. my toes are rather longer than most women's and--"

"that's it! we're outta here!" henry grabbed her arm and whoosh! they were back in Poor Yorick's Pub.

sierra gasped and reached down to pick up her original clothes from the floor and held them up in front of her. "turn around!"

danny, tucker, and shakespeare all stifled their laughs as they turned their backs.

"have any luck?" danny asked.

"hmph."

they heard her heels clicking across the floor and then the door slam, signaling her exit.

they looked at henry who was tying his shoes. "i bet you could use a beer, huh?" asked danny.

"you have no idea," henry muttered.



THE END

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Dear Reader,

You have reached the end of your adventure. I hope you enjoyed it! If not, well, you only have yourself to blame because, you know, you chose it yourself. Also, since you--not I--chose this adventure, it did not really take place in the Burkieverse and, therefore, will not have any continuity with the regular Poor Yorick's Pub chapters. Thanks for playing and, if you're in the mood to try another adventure, go back to the beginning and choose a different path!

CYA: The Lurker & Ava Get Started

NOTE: if you did not jump to this chapter as a result of the Choose Your Adventure story, please go here before reading any further!


Mysterious Lurker turned to burkie's friend ava and said, "actually, ava, why don't we pop into a store first? my swimsuit is out of style."

"for 1881? or 2002?" ava asked.

"both. and for 1876 and 2010 as well."

they popped out of the Pub and into a boutique.

"may i help you, ladies?" a handsome young man walked up.

"mmm, maybe later," the Lurker told him with a wink. "for now, just point us toward the swimsuits."

"one-piece or two-?"

"two," they both said, admiring the salesman's well-defined punctuation marks.

he pointed toward the next aisle and watched them scurry over. "have fun!"

ava picked out a black one with yellow polka dots while the Lurker picked out a hot fuschia number that perfectly matched the streaks in her light brown hair.

they scampered into adjoining dressing rooms and then came out excitedly to check themselves out in the mirror.

"gag!"

"blech!"

"i look like a deformed bumblebee!"

"i look like a deformed...fuschia thing!"

they ran back to the racks and ava picked out a floral print as the Lurker selected a lime green suit that matched the streaks in her blond hair. they changed and ran out to look in the mirrors again.

the Lurker shrieked.

burkie's friend ava shrieked.

"i look like a deformed table arrangement!"

"i look like a deformed...lime green thing!"

more suits.

more shrieks.

more deformed things.

"ava, i think the problem is these flourescent lights. let's find a boutique with more natural lighting."

they popped into a beach shop with outdoor dressing rooms and mirrors.

"this is better!" the Lurker declared, and ava nodded optimistically as they examined the racks.

"ta-da!" the Lurker held up a red, white, & blue suit that would obviously accent the Liberty Bell tattoo on her arm.

"aha!" ava discovered a black suit with a white jolly roger on it.

they ducked into the dressing rooms and came out into the sunlight.

the Lurked swore a blue streak while ava cussed like a sailor.

"i look like betsy ross in a freakin' carnival show!"

"i look like a freakin' snowman pirate that's halfway melted in the hot august sun!"

more suits.

more cussing.

more bad analogies.

"hmph."

"phmhp."

"time for Plan B, ava."

"what's Plan B? a different time machine?"

"no. margaritas."

"yay!"

THE END
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Dear Reader,

You have reached the end of your adventure. I hope you enjoyed it! If not, well, you only have yourself to blame because, you know, you chose it yourself. Also, since you--not I--chose this adventure, it did not really take place in the Burkieverse and, therefore, will not have any continuity with the regular Poor Yorick's Pub chapters. Thanks for playing and, if you're in the mood to try another adventure, go back to the beginning and choose a different path!

CYA: Gavin & Foxy Get Started

NOTE: if you did not jump to this chapter as a result of the Choose Your Adventure story, please go here before reading any further!


cardigan and foxy jumped into his red ferrari and sped toward the museum.

"nice wheels," foxy observed.

cardigan nodded. "i give burkie full credit for that. he spares no expense no matter how far-fetched it may seem."

"like our being able to find parking in downtown san francisco?"

"exactly."

they parked in front of the museum and ran up the steps, dodging a mob of 4th graders. once inside, they followed the well-marked signs for the time machine. they stopped short when they entered the small room and saw the time machine behind a wall of glass.

"damn!"

"gavin, i have an idea. just follow my lead!"

foxy cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "ladies and gentlemen, traces of the welsh corgi flu virus have been detected in this wing of the museum. for the safety of you and your family, please exit to the west wing of the museum. thank you for your understanding."

after the last visitor had scampered out of the room, cardigan quickly closed and locked the door. "the welsh corgi flu?!"

foxy shrugged. "the fear of the unknown makes people so easy to manipulate."

"i'm glad you're on my team!" cardigan pulled a leather case from his pocket and extracted a glass cutter.

"i see you came prepared!" foxy watched as cardigan cut out a large rectangle, then tapped firmly on the glass to dislodge the makeshift door. he caught the edge before it fell and gently walked it over to the side. "let's go!"

they got into either side of the time machine and cardigan quickly set the date for 03-10-1876.

"gavin," foxy put her hand on his arm. "there's no way to specify a location."

"just close your eyes and concentrate on boston, massachussetts. burkie won't let details like that interfere with his story."

she moved her hand down to grasp his tightly, and closed her eyes. "okay, i'm ready."

cardigan turned a key and the machine began to whir and tremble. there was a flash of light and POOF!


Click Here To Gasp


Click Here To Roll Your Eyes

CYA: Juliet & the Darter Ride the Crazy Train

NOTE: if you did not jump to this chapter as a result of the Choose Your Adventure story, please go here before reading any further!


the house vibrated gently as it took off and, in a very short time, settled down with a slight THUD. juliet & the darter ran out to see where and when they were.

"dat, i don't think we're in frisco anymore," juliet said dryly. "nor do i think we're in boston."

they looked out on a flat, dry landscape of grassland.

"what is that?" the unconventional conventionist pointed at the foundation of the house, where two legs were sticking out from underneath the house. the legs were covered in striped stockings, and the feet were adorned with ruby red slippers.

"OMG!" juliet ran forward, kicking her own heels off, and pulled the slippers from the unfortunate dead woman's feet. "do you know what these are?" she exclaimed excitedly as she slipped them on her own feet.

the darter shook his head in disbelief. "it can't be!"

"they're a perfect fit! i'm wearing dorothy's ruby red slippers!" juliet danced around, singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow.

"then that must be the Wicked Witch of the East," the darter pointed at the legs sticking out from under the house.


"the witch is dead?" the unconventional conventionist was in awe.

the other unconventional conventionists came out and gather 'round excitedly.

"the witch is dead!"

"the witch is dead!"

"ding dong, the witch is dead. the wicked ol' witch is dead!"

just then, the sky darkened and they heard a horrifying wail. "yeoooooow, who killed my sister?!"

they turned to see a wicked witch with a green face staring evilly at them.

"you!" the witch pointed at juliet. "you killed my sister and took her shoes. give them to me now!"

"like hell i will! do you know how much these shoes mean to crossdressers everywhere?! they're the holy grail of footwear!"

the witch took a menacing step forward, then there was a PFFT! sound.

they all watched as a black dart flew well over the witch's head to land 8 feet behind her.

"shit, that was my last dart," the darter muttered, and he started to run in a wide half-circle around the witch to retrieve his dart.

"i'm going to kill you for killing my sister!" the witch stepped forward again, paying no heed to the darter.

"you'll do no such thing!" a fair voice rang out. the sky brightened and a beautiful woman in white floated down from the sky in front of the wicked witch.

"out of my way, glenda!" the wicked witch snarled. "this is no concern of yours."

"you have no power here," the good witch waved her wand at the wicked witch. "you must go back to your own borders."

the wicked witch glared at glenda, then pointed her crooked finger at juliet. "i'll get you, my pretty!" she gave a quick glance behind her. "and your little darter, too!"

the good witch waved her wand again and the wicked witch disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"now, about those shoes," the good witch turned toward juliet.

"sorry, toots. they're coming with me. let's go, dat!"

she grabbed the darter by the arm and, before glenda could do anything else, tapped her heels together three times saying, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home."

they left oz in a flash and appeared back in Poor Yorick's Pub, only everything was in black and white.

and juliet was barefoot.

"hmph!"


THE END
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Dear Reader,

You have reached the end of your adventure. I hope you enjoyed it! If not, well, you only have yourself to blame because, you know, you chose it yourself. Also, since you--not I--chose this adventure, it did not really take place in the Burkieverse and, therefore, will not have any continuity with the regular Poor Yorick's Pub chapters. Thanks for playing and, if you're in the mood to try another adventure, go back to the beginning and choose a different path!

Afghan Home-Style (sort of) Naan

this wonderful recipe is from a fabulous book called "flatbreads & flavors" by jeffrey alford and naomi duguid. i borrowed the book from the library, but i'm going to buy my own copy. it not only features flatbreads from asia, europe, africa, and the americas, but accompanying recipes from those regions. actually, those recipes outnumber the bread recipes. i adapted (gasp!) this one to my needs. i made Madhur Jaffrey's Baked Cod in Yogurt Sauce featured in The Wednesday Chef's blog (she explains that she did not include a picture of the dish because it is hideous to photograph; she's right. probably the ugliest dish i've ever made, but incredibly simple and incredibly good). i also made some chicken kebabs for those in the house who might not like the fish. the naan calls for all whole-wheat flour, but i used half bread flour and half whole wheat. the other thing i changed was to use ghee and a little garlic-infused olive oil for the 2 Tblsp. of vegetable oil. i made some of the rounds plain, some with sesame, and one with sesame and onion. a triumph. really. and easy, too. and not very time-consuming, either. only 30 minutes for the sponge to form, then one 60-minute rise for the dough, then a 10-minute rise after you've separated the dough into 6 rounds. i recommend the fish and the naan.

CYA: The Judge & The ChronoGuard--Shaken, Not Stirred

NOTE: if you did not jump to this chapter as a result of the Choose Your Adventure story, please go here before reading any further!


the judge, overcome with the enormity of what was happening, sat on the edge of the bed, his face as pale as the moon.

"are you okay, your honor?"

the judge looked up at the great colonial time traveler. "does this sort of thing happen very often?"

ChronoGuard Ben sighed and sat next to him. "more often than you could imagine. time isn't linear, your honor. it moves in all directions, including sideways, and slantways, and longways, and backways..."

"and frontways?"

"and squareways, and frontways, and any other ways that you can think of," ChronoGuard Ben explained kindly.

"you're describing the Wonkavator," the judge accused him.

"mr. wonka is also an honorary member of the ChronoGuard."

"i don't think i can take any more of this, mr. franklin. can we go back?"

ChronoGuard Ben nodded. "no prob, spongebob!"

they vanished moments before burkie entered the room and found the Soldier of Fortune magazine.

"hmmm, this looks interesting..."


THE END
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Dear Reader,


You have reached the end of your adventure. I hope you enjoyed it! If not, well, you only have yourself to blame because, you know, you chose it yourself. Also, since you--not I--chose this adventure, it did not really take place in the Burkieverse and, therefore, will not have any continuity with the regular Poor Yorick's Pub chapters. Thanks for playing and, if you're in the mood to try another adventure, go back to the beginning and choose a different path!