Family Ties That Bind

gavin cardigan walked into Poor Yorick's Pub, shrugged off his sodden trench coat and placed it on a wooden peg, tossed his fedora on the adjacent peg, and stepped up to the bar.

"what's on the menu tonight, buddy?"

danny blake, Pub proprietor, filled a pint with Guinness and slid it over to him. 

"Guinness-braised short ribs, alongside old-fashioned colcannon."

cardigan took a long sip, allowing the dark-brown malted stout to warm his insides, and nodded.  "sounds perfect.  i'll take a healthy portion, please.  and by healthy, i mean anything but healthy."

he took his pint and headed for his regular table, already surrounded by his regular Pub companions.

"gavin!" 

he felt his insides grow even warmer as foxy charles greeted him with a quick hug and peck on the cheek

"hey, foxy!  what brings you here tonight?"

"i missed my sis, and you guys, too," she answered with a grin.  "and i brought a date!"

"oh."

"hey, cardigan.  long time, no see," said the stunning face that appeared from behind foxy.

"oh, hey Juliet.  nice to see you again," cardigan replied with relief, glaring at sierra charles, who was snickering at him and her crossdressing brother.  "a charles family reunion?"

the Mysterious Lurker appeared suddenly at the table, her sky blue hair blowing in an non-existing wind.  "no, gavin.  juliet is the lead in the touring producting of "Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert!  they're in San Francisco for three weeks."

"i brought tickets for everyone," juliet extended her hand.  "i hope you can make it.  it's for saturday night."

"that sounds great, thanks juliet."  cardigan took his seat at the table, noticing that marian elfman was uncommonly quiet as she poked at her laptop.

"''sup, marian?"

"oh, hi gavin.  i'm trying to figure out which questions to answer in my column," replied the advice columnist.  what do you guys think of this one?"

Dear Marian,
My first cousin on my mother's side is engaged to a wonderful woman.  The problem is, she's my first cousin on my father's side!  Now, obviously they are not related by blood, so there's nothing technically wrong with it, BUT IT'S WRONG!  My first cousins are marrying each other!  Eeewwww!  how i can talk them out this?  I don't even know if I'm supposed to sit on the groom's side or the bride's side.  It's so awkward!''
Signed,
In-laws or Outlaws

"that is...well, a rather interesting question, isn't it?"  sierra noted.

"yes, sierra, i agree," foxy nodded.

"marian, what do you think about it?  it sounds like these people--or this person--really needs your advice," juliet added hurriedly.

marian looked at the three of them with a face of surprise.  "really?  it doesn't seem that complicated to me."

danny blake delivered a steaming plate of short ribs and colcannon in front of cardigan.  "i wonder how often that situation occurs?  i've never heard of it before, but on the other hand, it doesn't sound that outlandish."

"i don't see the problem," cardigan muttered around a mouthful of goodness.

"you not thinking from the author's perspective, cardigan," sierra argued.  "to them--or her or him--that is, it has to be really weird.  these are family members that they--or her or him-- grew up with."

"but different sides of the family.  they wouldn't even be at the same family reunions or christmas parties, right?"  the Lurker pointed out.

"but i can see how it must be awkward for, um, whoever wrote that letter," foxy indicated.  "the couple seems to be rather selfish to get married without thinking of their--or his or her--feelings."

"sounds like great song material," tucker mused, strumming a chord.

     she's my cousin's cousin
     the birds are a' singin' and the bees are a' buzzin' 
     she's my cousin's cousin
     we say we does though my cousin says we doesn't

"that's...awful, tucker."

"i've just started!  wait until i finish this baby.  it'll be great!"  strum strum...

marian scowled.  "they aren't breaking any laws, and love is love.  whoever the author is, i think they--or he, or she--is the one being selfish.  they--or he, or she--shouldn't be so melodramatic!"

as she proclaimed the matter settled with her signature tagline, the three charles family members gave a barely audible hmph.

cardigan, always the detective, noticed and raised his eyebrows.  "hey. wait a minute--"

"gavin, you'll be my date to juliet's show on saturday, won't you?"  foxy grabbed his arm and leaned in close.  "we can get a limo, make a night of it.  what do you say?"

"what?  date?  me?  um, yeah, that....that sounds great."  cardigan was suddenly flustered.  "wait, a limo?"

"i know a guy with a limo!" the tuxedo-clad Lurker exclaimed.  "i can drive."

"woohoo!"

danny delivered another round to the table.  "something wrong, gavin?"

"no....no, i just...what?"

danny smirked, gathered the empty glasses, and shook his head as he headed back to the bar.