Hey y'all, prepare yourselves!

"howdy, danny boy. what're we eating tonight?" cardigan called out as he entered the pub.

"king ranch casserole," answered danny as he pulled a beer for his best customer.

"bring it on!" cardigan crowed as he grabbed his beer and turned toward his regular table.

"in it to win it!" the Lurker pumped her fist into the air, clutching a black-and-gold pompom in her hand.

cardigan stopped short. "uh, why are you wearing a cheerleader outfit?"

"and when did you get here?!" blake demanded, staring at the Lurker.

"oh, as soon as i popped in," she replied evasively, pulling a random gold streamer off of her navy blue Superman t-shirt.

"come sit down, gavin. sierra was about to tell us about her date last night." marian waved him over impatiently.

"oh, really? who's the latest victim, charles?" cardigan grinned, already looking forward to the story.

sierra shuddered. "i was. no way he suffered as much as i did."

marian explained. "her mother set her up!"

"set me up is right. i was meeting her for dinner last night and she arrived with the son of a friend of hers whom she 'just happened to run into.' then, then she only orders soup and after it arrived, decided she didn't feel good and left me there with him."

"i love your mom," the Lurker said in a sing-song manner. "she's so cool."

"i like the sound of that," tucker interrupted, strumming his guitar.

i love your mama
your mama's so cool
she gives me lemonade
by your backyard pool
she even wipes my chin
if i start to drool
i love your mama
your mama's so cool...

everyone stares at him, dumbfounded. "what?"

"tucker, you know i love you, but please never finish that song and never, ever sing it again," the Lurker pleaded with him. "i don't want to be known for inspiring the worst song ever written."

"i will throw you out of here bodily if you ever sing it again," said blake, walking over with cardigan's casserole.

"and i'll have the black darter shoot you with his blow gun," marian threatened.

"and i'll bite your neck," taylor added, showing off his fangs.

"and i'll have my mother find you a girlfriend," sierra threw in.

"so tell us about this guy, charles," cardigan said, savoring his casserole.

"he's about this tall," sierra extended her hand level with the table tabletop. "and about this big around," she added, her arms encircling the table, "and has a squeaky voice."

"aw, he sounds cute!" marian giggled.

"what's he do for a living?" taylor asked.

"he invented a special type of rubberband that can last up to three times as long as regular rubberbands before disintegrating. he's a rubberband man."

this was greeted by uproarous laughter and clapping around the table.

"guaranteed to blow your mind!" shouted out the Lurker.

"so much rhythm, grace, and debonair from one man, lord!" cardigan sang.

"doo-doo doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo!" marian and taylor sang in unison.

sierra was puzzled. "what are y'all doing?"

cardigan stared at her. "you're kidding. you don't know the song, "rubberband man" by The Spinners? you really need to take burkie's American Popular Culture class."

"no! i am not taking burkie's class. and i'm sure i'm not the only one who has never heard of this song."

"you've got to check out this video," the Lurker insisted. "the dancing, the outfits, even the clothes of the woman they pull from the audience. it's fantastic!"

"oh!" sierra was taken aback by the shade of blue that dominated the '70s. "those outfits are special. what's up with the silver diamonds? oh! i thought only elton john wore glasses like that. oh!"

tucker whispered over to the Lurker. "watch her now, it'll happen."

sure enough, despite the comments and laughter emanating from sierra, she was moving her shoulders, staying in rhythm with the song. even their dancing with giant silver rubberbands at the end didn't stop her bopping. when it was over, she blinked. "that was actually pretty good!"

the Lurker nodded. "The Spinners were wicked awesome! you can't help but like that song."

"it's true," blake stated. "as ridiculous as it is, it's addicting."

"we played it in band," marian and taylor said at the same time, then looked at eached other and said, "jinx!"

"i wish i could write a song that good," tucker said wistfully. "hand me down my walkin' cane, hand me down my hat...."

"you will, tucker," the Lurker encouraged him. "you're really good. you're just having an off-night."

"you really think so?" tucker asked, eager for validation.

"of course! sierra, what was the occupation of the last guy you went out with before the rubberband man?"

"a plastic surgeon."

"hmmmm...." tucker strummed a few chords.

wash my face and scrub my hands
put on my mask and smock
hurry now, she's got big ears
she ain't got chickenpox
whoah, oh-oh!
big or small,
short or tall
i'll cut 'em down to size
nip and tuck
i'll fix 'em up
from their toes up to their eyes...

"definitely an off-night," the Lurker stated.