Lonesome, Ornery, and Mean

gavin cardigan strode into Poor Yorick's Pub, shaking off the cold. "what's on the menu today, danny boy?"

"pinto beans and cornbread."

"it's not that sweet cornbread crap, is it?" cardigan started cracking his knuckles menacingly.

"nah, it's from a cool texas lady living in new york. not one iota of sugar in it." blake looked offended. "you know me better than that, cardigan."

"bring it on, then." he took the bass ale danny had poured for him and went over to join sierra and marian at the table. "what are you two up to?"

sierra said, "marian got an interesting question today."

marian read from her laptop:

Dear Marian,

My coworkers think it is their mission in life to set me up with somebody. since when is it a crime to single? it's bad enough i have to put up with this from my mother and friends, but why should my coworkers care? my work isn't suffering because i'm single. when i say i'm not interested in somebody they've picked out, they see it as a challenge and try even harder. why can't they just leave me alone?

Signed,
Lonesome, Ornery, and Mean

cardigan looked interested. "did she include a picture?"

marian replied, "no, but she sounds cute."

"how do you know it's a woman?" sierra asked. "what woman refers to herself as 'lonesome, ornery, and mean'? that doesn't sound cute to me."

"guys don't normally care if people try to set them up," cardigan replied.

"unless they're gay," blake nodded as he delivered the beans and cornbread. "one of my customers said that after he came out at work, his coworkers were always trying to set him up with their son's piano tuner or something. he says it's their way of showing support."

"no, he doesn't sound gay to me," Mysterious Lurker commented.

blake turned to look at the redheaded newcomer. "hello. when did you turn up?"

"i've been here all along," she explained. "except when i wasn't. can i have a beer?"

"sure."

"well, it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, or gay or not," sierra noted. "it's still none of their business and she should tell them so."

"i disagree," marian stated. "especially if it's a woman."

"and especially if she's cute," cardigan added.

"here you go, ma'am," blake handed the beer to the blonde Mysterious Lurker, blinked, and asked, "wait a minute...wasn't your hair red a minute ago?"

she smiled demurely and sipped her beer without comment. blake shook his head and said, "why is it different if it's a woman?"

"because there's a man shortage," marian replied. "it's too hard to find a good man without help. she should be thankful that they've taken an interest in her and have offered to help."

"then i would think it makes more sense that this is a guy, because his coworkers are probably trying to set up their single female friends with an eligible male," sierra theorized.

"so, if it's a guy, he's better off letting them set him up in case he gets lucky, and if it's a woman, she's better off letting them set her up because there's a man shortage, is that it?" cardigan summed up.

"he or she doesn't want any help finding a mate," sierra objected. "he or she wants help telling them to stop setting him or her up. trust me, i know what it's like."

marian sniggered. "i remember that picture in the 'Nosy Enquirer' of you and enrique iglesias."

cadigan grinned. "and that time they said you were seen with tony danza."

"and oprah," Mysterious Lurker added.

"can we get back to mr. lonesome?" sierra pleaded, her face turning as red as Mysterious Lurker's hair was at one time.

"i'm going to tell her to let them have their fun," marian declared. "it's good for office morale and it's not doing her any harm. and besides, she shouldn't be so melodramatic!"