Boom-Boom

((the following chapter was written by boom-boom shakalaka as her prize for winning the Pub's fantasy football league this year))

san francisco police department sergeant tarboom shakalaka (boom-boom to her friends and adversaries; with affection by the former, with dread by the latter) walked into Poor Yorick's Pub, hung up her jacket, then lumbered over to the bar. "pad thai and a beer, danny."

danny blake saluted. "you got it, boom-boom."

"thanks." she grabbed her pint, took a gulp, then walked over to join the others. "good game, linda."

linda nulo grumbled, but shook her hand. "good game, boom-boom."

boom-boom grinned. "you did all right, for a former 3-time world champion barrel racer."

"but i'm not a..." linda's face brightened. "check it out, everyone! i have a past! i'm a fully developed character!"

linda started dancing exuberantly around the room in what can only be described as Kowgirl Krump.

"Kowgirl Krump?" burkie looked over at boom-boom. "don't get too creative, boom-boom. you only get to write one chapter."

she merely sneered contemptuously at him and rolled her shoulder in an aching manner. "i had to run down and tackle a drug dealer today. can i borrow special assistant hepzibah to give me a massage?"

"now see here, boom-boom! she's not that kind of assist--"

"it's okay," s.a. hepzibah said, a little breathlessly, as she scampered over behind boom-boom. "i don't mind."

"ungh, right there. ungh, that's good. ungh." boom-boom closed her eyes as hepzibah's thumbs worked out the knots in her neck and shoulders.

"um...so, boom-boom?" gavin cardigan broke into her reverie. "is this all you're going to write about? some pad thai, a beer, and a shoulder rub?"

"nope," she relied, chugging the the last of her pint as danny walked over to drop off her pad thai. "i'm going to have two beers. thanks, danny."

"that's it?!"

she chewed a shrimp with gusto and swallowed. "listen, wannabe. i'm a real cop. i work long hours with low pay and even less appreciation. most of my colleagues survive on bad food and cheap whiskey. simple pleasures are plenty for me."

"but simple pleasures aren't exciting," marian elfman pointed out. "you have a responsibility to be entertaining!"

"no, i don't. i have a responsibility to unwind. trust me, you don't want to be around a stressed-out cop."

"that's true, honey--hey, what happened to my british accent?!" taylor young looked at boom-boom, distraught.

"i'm not good with accents," boom-boom explained, rather unapologetically.

"neither is burkie," gavin muttered.

"i heard that!"

"hey, where is the Lurker?" sierra asked.

boom-boom smirked as they heard the front door open and the clop-clop of bad girl boots walking into the Pub, bringing the Mysterious Lurker herself into their presence.

"you used the door?!" linda was shocked. "why didn't you just pop in like usual?"

the Lurker, her hair this evening its almost-forgotten natural brown color, glared at boom-boom. "i don't seem to be able to, for some reason."

boom-boom yawned, rather unapologetically. "i'm too tired to do magic."

"hmph."

"tucker, how 'bout a song?"

tucker strummed and began to sing:

when a person breaks the law
i throw his ass in jail
when someone else breaks the law
i throw his ass in jail, too
if anybody else breaks the law
he'll get the same treatment, yeah!

tucker stopped and looked over at boom-boom in surprise. "uh....is that all?"

boom-boom nodded, rather unapologetically. "songs don't have to be long to get the point across."

a cyborg rattled over to collect the dirty dishes.

"is that...Robocop?" taylor asked. "what happened to shakespeare?"

"i'm too tired to decipher whatever he says. i'm a cop, not a linguist." she drained the last of her second pint, burped, and stood up. "thanks for the massage, hep. i'm hitting the hay. g'nite, all."

after she walked out, burkie went over to take her seat. "hep, would you mind doing my shoulders, too?"

s.a. hepzibah stared daggers at him as she walked over to sit next to gavin. "don't call me hep!"

"hmph."