Internment

gavin cardigan lumbered into Poor Yorick's Pub and grunted a greeting to the man behind the bar, owner danny blake.

danny handed him a freshly poured Bass. "you look plumb wore out. i prescribe some hot turkey and dumplings and a pint of ale. or two."

cardigan managed half a smile. "thanks, hoss."

he took his ale and joined the others, slumping into his regular seat.

"are you okay, cardigan?" sierra charles asked him.

"yeah, i'm all right. just tired. my case load is overwhleming at the moment."

"really? what are you working on?" marian elfman asked their resident private eye.

cardigan held up a fist and opened up a finger for each case. "deadbeat dad, wife suspected of cheating, husband suspected of cheating, a suspected insurance scam, and locating original parts for a '71 simca."

"what's a simca?" asked taylor young.

"a french car," cardigan sighed, "that apparently very, very few people in the u.s. ever bought."

"you should hire a staff, gavin," marian stated. "or maybe burkie can loan you special assistant hepzibah."

marian's cell phone rang and she answered. "oh, hi hepzibah! i was just...oh, i see. uh huh. um, okay. bye." she hung up and looked slightly abashed. "hepzibah said burkie's not her pimp, and neither am i."

Mysterious Lurker suddenly appeared and said, "don't hire somebody, gavin. get an intern or apprentice. you don't have to pay them. they work for the experience and a good reference."

cardigan sipped his ale thoughtfully. "that's not a bad idea, Lurker. any idea how i go about getting one?"

"i advertised on craig's list for mine, " she noted.

"you have an intern?" danny asked in surprised as he delivered cardigan's dinner. "since when? and for what?"

"for lurking, obviously," the Lurker replied. "burkie's isn't the only blog around, you know. a blog without lurkers can never be successful. i've had an apprentice for several months."

"does burkie pay you to lurk on his blog?"

"no, the advertisers do."

"burkie's blog doesn't have advertisers," cardigan pointed out. "it barely has readers."

"just because you don't see the advertisers doesn't mean they aren't there."

"you mean there are lurking advertisers, too?"

"exactly."

"why haven't we met your apprentice?" danny asked. "where is she?"

"lurking isn't a female-only profession, you know" the Lurker informed him.

danny conceded her point. "now that you mention it, i'm not sure it's even a human-only profession. the fact is, i'm still struggling with the concept of lurking as a profession. no offense, of course."

the Lurker grinned. "but in this case, it is a she of the species. you'll meet her soon, but she isn't ready for a blog like this yet. she's lurking in a blog written by a dog at the moment."

"of course she is," danny noted dryly and returned to the bar.

"what qualifications would you be looking for, gavin?" marian asked, bringing up a spreadsheet on her laptop.

"hmmm," he mused. "i think it should be a female. there are some cases where being a woman would be advantageous."

"f-e-m-a-l-e," marian typed. "do you want them to be a college graduate? if so, what major?"

"no, they don't have to be a college grad. law enforcement experience would be nice, and it would be a great help if she were really good with computers. someone who is good with people, but doesn't stick out from a crowd."

"anything else?"

"good organizational skills, adaptive, quick learner, detail-oriented, can work flexible hours, has her own car, good knowledge of the bay area, good judgement and discretion....i guess that's about it."

"sounds like you've given this some thought," sierra pointed out.

"no, but i know what it takes. you do to, charles. you used to be in the business."

"that was just a lark," she shrugged. "i never really had any cases."

"maybe i should get an apprentice, too," taylor spoke up.

a collection of stupefied, incredulous faces stared at him. "why...on earth...would you need an apprentice?" marian finally managed to croak out, her face being the most stupefied and incredulous of the lot.

taylor blushed. "you know, to teach the way of the vampire."

"taylor, the very fact that you are able to blush means you aren't a real vampire," the Lurker pointed out.

taylor hmph'd. "maybe i should be an apprentice to a real vampire, then."

marian scrunched up her face. "i don't want to date a real vampire, taylor. i like you just the way you are."

"really?" taylor looked surprised and pleased. "thanks, honey."

"though it wouldn't hurt you to apprentice for a legitimate career, though," she added. "too bad gavin is looking for a female."

"uh, yeah," cardigan muttered uncomfortably. "sorry, taylor. i really need female help."

sierra snickered, earning a glare from cardigan.

"i'll post this for you, gavin, and we can go over the resumes when they come in and then set up some interviews."

"thanks, marian. i appreciate you help in finding me some help."

shakespeare came over to bus the dirty dishes and said, "she that is thy friend indeed, she will help thee in thy need."