Bridesgroom Revisited

gavin cardigan walked into Poor Yorick's Pub and greeted his friend behind the bar. "howdy, danny! what's for dinner tonight?"

"baked potato soup," danny blake replied, pouring his friend a Guinness. "and some of burkie's bread. i'll bring some over to you shortly."

"thank you, sir." cardigan walked over to join the other regulars.

"hi, gavin!" foxy charles greeted him warmly.

"foxy!" cardigan grinned foolishly, as he always did when sierra's charming sister visited. "what brings you to town?"

"a wedding. a friend of mine got married earlier today."

"well, i wish them well," caridgan raised his glass.

"me, too. this is their second marriage. to each other."

"hey, that could be an interesting song!" tucker exclaimed, then started strumming.

he said, "i do,"
but then he didn't
she said, "screw you!"
then felt repentant...

"did you just rhyme didn't with repentant?" the Pub's busboy, william shakespeare interrupted.

"uh, yeah," tucker replied, a little sheepishly. "is that so ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d?"

"bad? it's brilliant!" shakespeare was busy writing it down.

"what's the gift protocol for a wedding like that?" danny asked as he delivered cardigan's soup and bread. "if you gave them a gift for the first wedding, i'd say you were off the hook for the second wedding."

"that's the approach i took," foxy admitted as she stole a piece of bread from cardigan's plate, just beating out sierra's grasping fingers.

caridgan glared at sierra and asked danny for more bread.

"hey, don't glare at me. she took it," sierra hmph'd, without actually saying hmph.

"is the best man called the second-best man?" taylor wondered.

the Mysterious Lurker appeared out of nowhere. "and the maid of honor could be called less-than-honorable maid."

"can you imagine being the bride's father and giving her away again to the same guy?" cardigan grinned. "awkward."

"i'm glad i didn't get asked for advice about this wedding," syndicated advice columnist marian elfman noted. "it's too complicated!"

"it was a cute ceremony," foxy giggled. "they added 'for sure this time' when they said 'i do.'"

"i wonder who of us will be first to get married," the Lurker mused.

cardigan pointed at taylor and marian. "they've been together longest. won't it be them?"

marian shook her head. "you need a blood test and birth certificate to get married. kinda difficult when the groom is a vampire."

"that means tucker and linda nulo," taylor said, then knocked his beer over at the sudden sound of his phone's ringtone.

"man, i wish i could write a song that good," tucker lamented.

taylor spoke briefly on the phone, then said, "that was linda. she said that her character is apparently so inconsequential that she can't even be here for this conversation, much less get married."

"i guess that leaves the Lurker and danny," sierra grinned.

"hmmmm....," danny pondered. "not a bad idea, but i don't think it has been officially established that we're seeing each other."

the Lurker nodded. "i think i'd be less Mysterious if it were official, and i don't want to be known as Conspicuous Lurker."

"that's a cool name!" marian exclaimed. "maybe burkie should give you a brother named Conspicuous."

"well, if it's not going to be linda and i, or marian and taylor, or the Lurker and danny," tucker noted, looking around, "that only leaves gavin and sierra."

gavin looked startled. "what?!"

sierra spluttered. "what?!"

"OR gavin and foxy," marian suggested.

cardigan's face brightened as foxy's reddened, but then judge st. bishop stormed into the Pub. "too late. the first marriage has already taken place," he announced.

"really?"

"yep. maddog and her indulgent boyfriend--now husband--chris got married back in june," the judge reminded them. "danny, can i get some grub over here? thanks."

marian made a face of annoyance. "they don't count--they're in the real world."

"they've been here, so they count," the judge insisted.

"okay, fine, but they don't have to be the only married people here," marian argued. "we could have the wedding here! you could perfom the ceremony, danny could be best man, sierra maid of honor, tucker could sing, special assistant hepzibah could plan the honeymoon. i'm calling burkie!"

"shouldn't gavin and foxy have a say in this?" danny wondered.

gavin shook his head. "we never have a say; it's burkie's call." he looked over at foxy and smiled reassuringly. "don't worry, foxy. burkie prefers his private eyes lonely and bitter."

she winked. "who's worried? it might be fun."

marian hung up her phone and hmph'd. "s.a. hepzibah said burkie wasn't planning for gavin to get married any time soon."

gavin lifted his empty pint and hmph'd in disappointment. "another Guinness, danny."