A Mermaid Walks Into a Bar....

"hey, danny boy! what's on the menu tonight?" gavin cardigan walked into Poor Yorick's Pub, calling out to his friend behind the bar.

"asparagus-croque monsiuer," danny blake replied, pouring a bass ale for cardigan. "nice beard," he nodded toward cardigan's jet black whiskers, stroking his own reddish beard.

"thanks," cardigan took the proferred beer and walked over to join the regular crowd. "nice beard, taylor. nice beard, tucker."

"all right, already. enough with the beards," burkie grumbled over in the corner. "i know i haven't written about you guys in a while--i get the point. but unlike you characters, i'm a real person with real responsibilities. i can't live in fantasyland all the time."

cardigan stood dumbfounded, staring at the figure seated next to their handsome creator. "uh, who....what....is that?"

"that's special assistant hepzibah," sierra explained.

"oh, right. hi, hepzibah." he hesitated. "why are you wearing a dolphin costume?"

"hi, gavin." she replied. "it's a porpoise, actually. maddog won a blogging award, so burkie is trying to win it now."

marian snickered. "it's Blogging with a Purpose, burkie, not Porpoise."

s.a. hepzibah turned toward burkie, staring daggers at him. "i told you!"

tucker began strumming his guitar:

hepzibah,
the part-time mermaid
left her job
as a full-time handmaid
her neck is marred
by a sponge-bob bandaid
special assistant hepzibah

hepzibah turned her stare in tucker's direction, and he cleared his throat, setting his guitar down. "i think i'll take my break now," he muttered, walking over to sit next to linda nulo, who kissed him on the cheek.

Mysterious Lurker turned to tucker eagerly. "why did she have a bandaid on her neck? did taylor bite her?"

"i don't know," tucker said slowly, looking askance at s.a. hepzibah. "i guess we'll never find out."

blake brought over cardigan's sandwich. "eat up, hoss."

cardigan crunched into the sandwich, nodding approval in blake's direction.

"burkie, we need to talk!" marian put her hands on her hips and stomped her foot.

"what's wrong, marian?"

"why don't you like us anymore? it's been weeks since you wrote about us."

burkie sighed. "it's not that i don't like you anymore, madelyn, it's--

"marian! my name is marian!" marian scrunched up her face is annoyance.

"marian," burkie corrected himself. "i've just been busy, and i haven't felt well, and i've been pursuing other interests. i was coming back to you, really i was."

"you owe us!" the Lurker interjected, twirling her light brown hair in her fingers. "we've been sitting around this dingy bar with nothing to do, stunting our growth and development as characters."

"what do you want, then?" burkie asked.

"courage!"

"brains!"

"a heart!"

burkie lowered his head down into his hands. "goodbye blogging award," he muttered.