Bring Out Your Dead!

gavin cardigan entered Poor Yorick's Pub, wiping his brow. "danny boy, serve me up something cool and refreshing!"

pub owner danny blake poured his friend a bass ale. "i've got just the thing: Curried Pineapple Hummus with Herbed Egg Roll Chips."

"that sounds awfully...perfect," cardigan acknowledged, taking his beer and heading toward the other regular patrons. "what's up, guys?"

"we're wondering what other famous person we can bring back from the dead besides benjamin franklin," linda nulo explained.

"I AM NOT DEAD!" ben franklin strode in, visibly agitated, and banged his fist on the table. "confound it, how many times must i explain this? i am not back from the dead!" he turned toward blake. "barman, please bring me an ale!"

"hmmm," cardigan said thoughtfully, taking a sip of beer. "but do we know for sure how we , er, how mr. franklin happens to be here?"

"we talk about him," taylor stated. "that should be all it takes. i vote for lee harvey oswald. we can find out if he really was a lone gunman."

"i don't know," cardigan replied. "he doesn't seem all that interesting beyond that. do you really want to hang out with oswald? mr. franklin at least is cool."

ben franklin took his beer from blake and clicked his glass against cardigan's. "thanks, dude."

"i've given this matter much thought," marian declared. "and i vote for leonardi da vinci! he's extremely interesting."

"true," cardigan nodded. "but, could he speak english?"

"oh....probably not," marian pouted.

"sir francis bacon!" sierra exclaimed excitedly.

"he didn't invent bacon, charles." cardigan pointed out.

"oh. never mind."

"how about amelia earhart?" linda suggested. "we could find out what really happened to her."

"i don't think so," cardigan observed as he dipped his eggroll chip into the pineapple hummus. "as mr. franklin says, he's not dead. so, i don't imagine ms. earhart would know how she disappears if she were to come here."

"stop it! stop it right now!" judge st. bishop entered the pub, his eyes flashing. "we've interfered with history enough by tainting mr. franklin here." he looked with interest at the pineapple hummus. "hey, danny. can i get some of that? thanks."

"i am not tainted, sir!" ben franklin sputtered. "i am quite aware of my responsibilities to the space-time continuum and the Prime Directive."

the judge looked alarmed at the star trek references, but decided to drink some beer instead.

"whom do you vote for, danny?" Mysterious Lurker asked as he brought over the judge's hummus.

"i don't care," blak grumbled, "as long as it isn't elvis or james dean or marilyn monroe. i don't want my pub to look like one of those bars where dead celebrities hang out. no offense, mr. franklin."

"dammit, i am not dead!"

"how about you, mr. franklin?" sierra asked. "which famous person from history would you like to speak with?"

"mark twain!" he set his pint glass down vehemently.

the judge puts his fingers in his ears and started to chant, "i'm not hearing this, la-la-la, i'm not hearing this!"

"mark twain? but he lived after your time," taylor pointed out.

"la-LA-la-la-la-la, LA-la-la-LA-la."

"that scoundrel wrote vicous things about me in his story, 'the late benjamin franklin.' i wager my stove could smoke his head off in four minutes, as small as it must've been!"

"no mark twain," blake said firmly. "you never see his picture without a corn-cob pipe, and i won't have him smoking in my pub."

"the one who tops my list of those to meet
is andrew's bro, the first pope: simon pete."

sierra looked at the balding man with pointed beard and mustache speaking in iambic pentameter as he cleared their table, and groaned. "danny, please tell me your new busboy isn't william shakespeare."

the playwright winked at sierra and recited:

"thine eyes they shimmer with a purple glint
that speak in tones that must be heaven-sent."

marian snickered and ben franklin exchanged a high-five with the Lurker.

"look at the name of this place. what choice did i have?" blake shrugged.

"i was going to vote for shakespeare," cardigan grumbled.