The Bird Is The Word, Part The Second

((if you haven't read Part the First, read this chapter first))

"so, hep.  has anybody figured it out yet?" burkie asked his special assistant.

"no," s.a. hepzibah told him.  "AND DON'T CALL ME HEP!!!"

"looks like your readership of five may have shrunk even fewer, burkie," cardigan smirked.

burkie fixed his disagreeable protagonist with a stare.  "without readers, there's no blog.  with no blog, there's no cardigan."

"um...perhaps they're on summer vacation," cardigan suggested meekly.

"or busy with summer activities," sierra put in hastily.

"we can figure this out ourselves," marian stated confidently.  "let's look at the first clue again!"

Mr. Monotone: oh, i wonder-wonder-wonder-wonder-wonder-wonder-wonder who-who-who-who who wrote the book of love?

"honey, didn't you say you know something about this?"  linda asked her boyfriend, tucker.

the folksinger nodded.  "The Monotones had a song in the '50s called The Book of Love.  the bird quotes the signature line, but in the original they only said wonder twice.  this bird says it, what, seven times?"

marian typed s-e-v-e-n  w-o-n-d-e-r-s  into her laptop then yelped.   "oh! oh! oh!  seven wonders!  the seven wonders of the ancient world!" 

"very good, marian!"  sierra told her.

after a short victory dance in her seat and a thank you to tucker for the assist, marian brought forward the next clue:

Winston Churchill: what's a bloody englishman doing with a bloody flashlight?

"taylor," burkie turned toward to clumsy vampire-wannabe.  "you're supposed to be british.  what does that mean?"

"cor blimey, i don't know," taylor ran his fingers through his hair.  "except that an englishman would call it a torch, not a flashlight."

"that's true," cardigan looked impressed.  "that might be it, taylor.  what's the next clue, marian?"

Hannah Graham: sure, i know that song. old bar hit.

"i've never heard of Hannah Graham.  who is she?"  s.a. hepzibah asked.

sierra snapped her fingers.  "anagram!  Hannah Graham sounds like anagram!  we need to figure out an anagram for 'old bar hit."

"bridal hot!"

"broad hilt!"

"loath bird!"

"bart hold i!"

marian typed in all the possibilities.  "okay, next!"

Bertrand Russell: this is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher must zip over to the village of great neck!

"the first part of that is an actual bertrand russell quote,"  foxy noted.  "the original runs thus: This is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened by absurdities."

"so what's all that about the village of great neck?" taylor wondered.

"easy," said cardigan.  "the bird used the word zip.  marian, what's the zip code for the village of great neck?"

marian ran a query on her laptop.  "11023."

"but notice how the bird emphasizes the word patently," mr. franklin pointed out.  "do you think that's important?"

"maybe 11023 is a patent number," danny suggested.

"you're doing well, guys," burkie nodded.  "i'm proud of ya!  what's next, marian?"

Robert Downey, Jr.: i know what dude i am. i'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude.

"that's from the movie Tropic Thunder," taylor reminded them.  "ducky, what was the name of downy's character in that movie?"

"kirk lazarus," marian typed it in.  "okay, last one!" 

Joan Dunn: it takes a woman to be one of these; no man can handle it.

"no man can handle it," judge st. bishop mused.  "no man...no man...no man is an island.  isn't that a john donne quote?  it has a metaphysical feel to it."

"and john donne sounds like joan dunn," hepzibah pointed out.  "so...a woman is an island?"

"spell it all out for us, marian" burkie ordered.

"yes, sir!"

Seven Wonders
Torch
Bart Hold I
Patent 11023
Lazarus
Island

they all looked at each other and groaned.  "of course!  how stupid are we!"

"here it is," marian pulled the poem up on her laptop.  "let's all read it together now, quickly!"

they all read the poem out loud together.  as soon as they were done, the Mysterious Lurker popped in.

"about time!" she muttered.  "but thank you!  it really is a poor poem, you know.  am i allowed to say that?"

"you are uniquely qualified to say that," danny assured her as her gave her a quick hug.  "come on, i'll fix you some tea."

"great job, everyone!  high five!" burkie put his hand out toward marian and pulled it away just as she extended hers.

"psych!"

words cannot described the face that marian made at this gesture.