The Fur Will Fly

gavin cardigan walked into Poor Yorick's Pub, hung up his jacket, and inhaled deeply and with appreciation. "smells great, danny. what're we having for dinner?"

"korean bbq-style burgers," danny black replied as he poured gavin a beer. "i'll make you two."

"to start with," cardigan amended as he took his beer over to his accustomed table with his accustomed friends.

"hey, i don't think i like being defined as accustomed," sierra charles complained as gavin took his seat.

"i didn't call you that," gavin noted sourly. "burkie did."

"hmph," sierra sulked.

"now, now," burkie admonished her as he walked into the Pub. "no sulking! not when you're about to meet your date." he indicated the striking young man entering the Pub behind him.

sierra's eyes went round--

"burkie!"

"that's not what i meant!"

sierra's eyes went wide even as she glared at burkie at the same time.

the young man smiled warmly and extended a hand. "hi! my name is jacob. jacob black."

"oh, this is going to be good," taylor young grinned knowingly, baring his fangs.

sierra glanced nervously at taylor, then unabashedly looked the newcomer's 6'7" frame up and down, shook her hair flirtaciously, then took his hand with an approving smile. "hello. oh! your skin is warm."

she continued to hold his hand, now with both hands, until he finally said, "don't worry, i don't have a fever. i've always had higher-than-normal body temperature."

"no, it feels good," sierra cooed, continuing to rub his hand.

marian snickered. "she cooed."

sierra suddenly dropped his hand, embarrassed. "i'm sorry. please, uh, have a seat."

"thank you," he said, taking the seat next to her.

as danny placed a plate in front of cardigan, sierra grabbed one of the burgers and gave it to jacob. "here, these are fabulous!"

cardigan glared at her and moved his plate to the opposite side. "danny, better bring some more."

"burkie," marian turned toward their handsome creator, "where did jacob come from?"

"my friend mira suggested him for the contest."

"you mean your friend ava?"

"wow! you remembered me!" burkie's friend ava reinier appeared suddenly.

taylor looked around, bewildered. "where did you come from? you weren't here before?"

"i taught her that," Mysterious Lurker informed him, appearing suddenly at burkie's friend ava's side.

cardigan looked back and forth between the Lurker and burkie's friend ava, chewing his korean bbq-style burger thoughtfully, then snapped his fingers. "burkie's friend ava is your apprentice?"

the Lurker nodded. "yep. she shows a lot of talent for lurking."

danny dropped off more burgers and asked burkie's friend ava, "are you really lurking in a blog written by a dog?"

burkie's friend ava nodded. "yes. it's called oh my effing dog!"

"of course it is," danny muttered, returning back to his sanctuary behind the bar.

"it's my friend mira, not my friend ava, who suggested jacob," burkie explained. "she won the contest for the mug. well, actually, she co-won."

"co-won?" sierra tore her eyes regretfully away from her dark-haired date, starting to look nervous. "what does that mean? i have to go on more dates? why? what's wrong with this one? i like this one!"

jacob smiled. "that's nice of you to say, sierra."

taylor looked out the window. "it's getting dark outside. must be twilight."

marian scrunched up her face in annoyance. "of course, it's twilight out there, taylor. look what time it is!" she shook her head and looked toward their guest. "you'll have to forgive taylor, jacob. he--" she stopped suddenly. "jacob...jacob?" she looked over at taylor, who nodded, and she suddenly clapped her hands. "oh! oh!"

Mysterious Lurker smiled knowingly. "it is getting dark out there, isn't it. i hear there's a new moon."

sierra looked around, clearly in the dark. "what's going on? burkie, why can't i go out with jacob again? he's nice, seems normal, and..." she tilted her head toward her date. "have you seen him? woof!"

taylor, marian, and the Lurking started laughing out loud, exchanging high-fives.

special assistant hepzibah ran into the Pub at that moment, waving an autograph book. "i'm not too late, am i?"

"too late? too late for what?" sierra asked.

hepzibah looked inside her small purse for a pen, swore, then checked her large purse, swore again, and rummaged through her tote bag. "here it is!" she fished out an SFPD pen and handed it and the book to jacob. "can i have your autograph? i'm a huge fan."

"sure." jacob smiled and took the book.

"autograph?" sierra stared at jacob. "who are you? i'm sorry, but i'm a bit of a celebrity myself and i've never heard of you."

"you've never read the twilight series?" hepzibah looked surprised.

"twilight? oh, no. my agent got me an audition to play the mother of the girl--becca, or whatever her name is."

"bella," replied a chorus of voices around the room.

"whatever. he's my ex-agent now. i can't play somebody old enough to have a daughter in high school." she turned back to jacob. "so, are you a vampire?" she glanced over at taylor. "a real one, that is?"

"um, no. not exactly," jacob replied, looking uncomfortable for the first time since he arrived.

"he's a werewolf," marian told her with a grin.

"a real one," taylor added.

"werewolf?" she looked at burkie.

"ah, yes."

"werewolf?!" she looked at jacob.

"woof."

she shuddered. "and when you turn into a wolf, what do you eat?"

"um, you know. wolf stuff."

"you mean like Purina Wolf Chow? or you mean like dead rabbits and squirrels and things like that?"

jacob gave her his most charming smile. "well, it's hard to eat them when they're alive, you know. they kick going down."

"ewwwww. and your breath must be awful. thanks, but no thanks."

jacob sighed, then stood. "it's always the breath. i wish somebody would invent a breath mint strong enough for werewolves."

as jacob walked out, burkie's friend ava remarked, "wolf did flow."

taylor said, "aw, sierra. you would've been a great couple. he's a wolf, you're a cougar. you would've had the cutest cubs!"

"i am not a cougar!"

shakespeare came over to bus the table. "you made the right choice, fair sierra. he's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, a boy's love, or a whore's oath."

she turned her un-kind eyes toward their handsome creator. "burkie, the next one better be human. got it?"

"oh, he's human all right," hepzibah giggled.

"why is she giggling?!" sierra looked indignant. "burkie? burkie!"