You Say You Want A Resolution

"happy new year, danny boy!" gavin called out as he entered the Pub.

"back atcha, big guy!" danny blake replied as he poured a beer. "since it's new year's day, i'm serving black-eyed pea and chorizo soup with cornbread. sound good?"

"sounds great!" gavin took a sip from his pint then walked over to join his friends.

"happy new year, cardigan!" sierra charles greeted him.

"happy new year, everyone."

"so, how was your mystery date?" marian elfman asked gLeefully, referring to gavin's having volunteered to be auctioned off for a date at sierra's charity auction.

cardigan glared at sierra, then turned to glare at the witches across the Pub, who giggled and waved.

"i'm never doing that again. i had to pay for four meals!"

Mysterious Lurker guffawed. so help me, she guffawed. "guffaw! the witches bid on you?"

cardigan shuddered and took a large gulp of his beer. "they won. seems they have their own ideas of whom i should date and didn't want to take a chance that i'd meet somebody else."

marian hahaha'd. "hahaha! where did you eat?"

"verona."

"really? how's stoney?" danny asked about verona's 3-nostriled chef stoney karr as he delivered cardigan's soup.

"he's good. he says hello to everyone, especially you, charles," he grinned at sierra, happy to deflect attention away from himself.

"i'm glad he's doing well," sierra stated as she pinched off a corner of cardigan's cornbread.

"this soup is terrific, danny," cardigan told him as he moved the cornbread out of sierra's reach.

"burkie claims that eating black-eyed peas on new year's day brings good luck," foxy said as she walked up.

cardigan grinned, ignoring a woo-hoo from one of the witches. "looks like it's working! happy new year, foxy!"

"i didn't know you would be here today," sierra told her sister.

"that was my idea," burkie stated as he walked in, accompanied by special assistant hepzibah. "others are on their way."

"what's the occasion?" marian asked their handsome creator excitedly as juliet, judge st. bishop, boom-boom shakalaka, and benjamin franklin filed in.

"it's new year's day," burkie explained. "i wanted to see all of you again, and hear your resolutions for 2011."

"yay!" marian clapped. "i resolve to learn how to quilt!"

"really?" taylor looked at her. "why?"

"i think it'd be nice to make a nice burnt orange & white quilt for burkie! wait...why did i say that? that's not what i meant to say!" marian made an outrageous face of, er, outrage.

"why thank you, marian. that's very sweet of you," burkie smiled. "how about you, sierra?"

"i resolve to go on more blind dates," she replied immediately, then gasped. "i didn't say that! dammit, burkie, i didn't say that!"

"i resolve to make asian dumplings," danny stated.

burkie nodded his approval. "how about you, linda?"

"me?" the Pub's least developed character was surprised but eager. "i resolve to acquire a mysterious past, break my leg in a comical incident, break up with Tucker because of a dramatic misunderstanding, then make up with him again when we accidentally bump into each other in cuba, and take trapeze lessons, and learn chinese, and beat martina hingis in tennis, and--"

"i suggest you break your leg after beating martina in tennis," tucker, er, suggested. "as for me, i resolve to write a song about benjamin franklin."

"why, thank you, minstrel! that's uncommonly kind of you," the founding father beamed. "as for myself, i resolve to follow-up my invention of a time machine by inventing a vessel for keeping hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold."

"you invented a time machine?" the judge looked at him suspiciously.

"hem...haw..." mr. franklin hemmed and hawed.

burkie shot mr. franklin a warning look and asked the judge, "what is your resolution, your honor?"

"i resolve to impose longer jail sentences for plagiarists."

"um...yeah, right," burkie moved on quickly. "foxy?"

"i resolve to get our book on american culture published," foxy told him.

"excellent! juliet?"

"i resolve to launch a new shoe company that specializes in high-heeled shoes for men's feet," the crossdresser replied. "my feet are killing me!"

"i resolve to work out more," boom-boom stated, pulling her SFPD sweatshirt up enough to expose her abs. "i need more definition."

"how about you, hep?" burkie asked his special assistant. "hep? HEP?"

s.a. hepzibah blinked, then forced herself to turn away from boom-boom and answer, "i...i resolve to...to...learn to play piano. and don't call me hep!!!"

"i resolve to work on my accent," taylor noted in a not-quite-clipped british accent.

"how about you, linda?" burkie asked.

"you already asked me!" she exclaimed. "and i already answered!"

"oh, yeah. sorry, i forgot," burkie turned to shakespeare, who walked forward to collect the empty plates and glasses. "shakespeare?"

"the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought," sayethed the bard as he cleared the table.

"er, right. cardigan?"

"i resolve to drink more," cardigan, er, resolved, signaling danny for another pint.