The Dog Will Have His Day

"howdy, everybody!" gavin cardigan called to the regulars as he entered the Pub.

"howdy yourself," replied proprietor danny blake from behind the bar as he poured a Bass. "i'm serving cemitas tonight."

cardigan accepted the ale gratefully. "i don't know what a cemita is, but i'll take two."

"hey, cardigan," sierra charles greeted him as he took a seat. "how's the mysterious case of the mayoral dognapping coming along?"

"solved." cardigan took a swallow to hid his smile.

"what?!" marian elfman looked up in surprise. "there's been no news about it."

"hmmm..." cardigan looked the columnist in the eye. "marian, you'll have to keep this to yourself, okay? it's kind of complicated."

"go on," marian encouraged him.

"well, i started making inquiries in the area where monte was dognapped. i found somebody who had spotted a corgi in the company of a blond woman with tattoos." he took another sip. "then i found a witness who remembered seeing a red-haired woman walking a corgi. in all, i interviewed seven witnesses who remembered seeing a woman with a corgi, but each woman had a different description."

blake had arrived at the table to deliver cardigan's cemitas. "oh, no. don't tell me..."

"what?" taylor asked. "was it a dognapping gang of women who passed monte from person to person every block or two?"

sierra saw the look pass between caridgan and blake, then exlaimed, "the Lurker!"

marian gasped.

cardigan nodded. "exactly. this was a crime of opportunity; no gang could have prepared for the black darter's blunder. so how could monte be passed to so many different women? he couldn't. it was the same woman every time. our Mysterious Lurker."

sigh. "i can explain," quoth the raven-haired Lurker.

taylor dropped his mug with a yelp. "when did you get here? oh, never mind." he began to wipe up his spillage.

the Lurker rolled her eyes. "i was only a block away from the incident when it happened, and monte ran to me. i recognized him right away, and saw his name tag for final proof, but then i also noticed the look in his eyes." her hair became a fiery red at the memory. "he had been drugged! so i brought him home with me, then took him to a vet friend of mine. monte was on diazepam, a tranquilizer."

"why?"

"so the mayor's office could control his behavior and use him to market their platform. they were exploiting his cuteness for political power!" a tattoo of a closed fist appeared on the Lurker's arm. "so i decided to keep him."

"but what about the ransom demand?" sierra asked, recalling the demand to eliminate bridge tolls in return for monte.

the Lurker shrugged. "i thought it was worth a try. i hate tolls! we already pay taxes. why do we need to pay extra tolls for that bridge and not all the others? the state of california maintains all of them." she grinned. "i wasn't going to keep my end of the bargain, though, no matter what they did about the tolls."

"wait a minute," marian interrupted. "monte is famous. how did your vet not recognize him? you did. and what about everybody else that sees him?"

the Lurker smiled and whistled. a regal Cardigan Welsh Corgi trotted in on stubby little legs. "say hello to monte, everybody."

sierra, who had worked with monte before, looked at him closely. "hey, his coat used to be tri-color, but it's only red and white now, and his white socks are only anklets; they used to be thigh-highs! but how...oh, never mind."

the Lurker grinned. "the markings are shaped a little differently, too. but he's still the same monte otherwise. in fact, he's more himself now than before since he's off the drugs."

blake turned toward cardigan. "what are you going to tell the mayor's office?"

"the truth," cardigan smiled. "that i've been in contact with those who have monte and that they've discovered he has been drugged, and they plan to go to PETA and the press with the story that the mayor's office has been drugging cute puppies for political capital, unless he agrees to drop the case and announce that he has donated monte to a family that has just lost a dog to cancer, and did so without fanfare so the press would not bother the family."

the Lurker kissed him on the cheek. "brilliant!"

marian scowled. "but that makes the mayor sound like a hero, and he doesn't deserve that for how he treated monte!"

"think about the big picture, hon," taylor pointed out. "he can't treat monte or any other dog that way now, knowing that PETA may be watching."

"isn't it dangerous to keep calling him monte?" sierra asked.

the Lurker shook her head. "no, lots of people named their dogs 'monte' after the mayor's dog became so popular. he may become even more popular after cardigan's story gets out." she turned toward blake, her honey-colored hair shimmering in the light as she batted her baby blues at him. "can he stay in the pub, danny? please? he's very well-behaved, house-broken, smart, and won't cause any problem. please?"

blake glared. "don't beg, woman. it's unbecoming." he reached down to scratch behind monte's ear. "yeah, we can try it out. it'll be nice to have a pub dog."

cardigan raised his pint. "to monte!"

"to monte!"

"to monte!"

"to monte!"

shakespeare walked over to bus the table, reciting:

Ay, in the catalogue ye go for men;
As hounds, and greyhounds, mongrels, spaniels, curs,
Shoughs, water-rugs, and demi-wolves, are 'clept
All by the name of dogs: the valued file
Distinguishes the swift, the slow, the subtle,
The housekeeper, the hunter, every one
According to the gift which bounteous nature
Hath in him closed.

" 'clept?! what the hell kind of word is that?" cardigan demanded.

"it means 'to call,' gavin," marian explained. "he's saying that those things are all called dogs."

sierra nodded. "it's a crossword puzzle word."

"it's a stupid word," cardigan muttered.

"stupid is as stupid does," noted shakespeare. "to coin a phrase."