Be Nice To Dog

gavin cardigan walked into the Pub, shaking off the cold, scattering it all over the floor.

"hey, danny!  what's on the menu tonight?"

danny blake handed him a pint of Bass and said, "kimchi fried rice."

gavin nodded his approval as he picked up the beer, lifting it to toast the Pub proprietor, and turns to walk back to join the regulars.  he groans as he sees the Dungeon Master screen spread before marian, the others sitting around her.

"Dungeons & Dragons again?!  i thought that chapter was over."

marian pointed at his chair with authority.  "sit!  we didn't do anything last time!  all we did was introduce the characters.  you start your adventure tonight!"

he settled in between the sisters charles.  "okay, let's get this over with.  who do i kill?"

"shush!" marian shushed him.  "now, Lord Beardhead has final instructions for you."

she cleared her throat, then squinted her eyes, puffed out her cheeks, and crunched her lips up right under her nose.  in a gruff yet lifting voice she said, "adventurers, you have a perilous quest before you.  succeed and bring the Bludhammer to me, and i will reward you handsomely.  fail, and...well, die."  she looked at them individually, holding each in her gaze for an almost uncomfortable period before moving to the next.  "one last piece of advice before you go:  be nice to dog."

with that, Lord Beardhead gives a sign and the great oaken doors of his manor slam shut, leaving them outside.

"wait...what?"

"'be nice to dog?!' what the hell does that mean?"

"why wouldn't i be nice to  dogs?  why would anyone not be nice to dogs?"

"well, there are dogs...and then there are dogs."

"spoken like a cat person!"

"let's just get going, shall we?"  gavin grumbled.

marian poked him with a telescopic backscratcher with a clawed hand on the end.  "you're a halfling!  you need to speak with a higher voice.  roleplay!"

"ow!  put that thing away!"

poke.

"dammit--"

poke.

Malifox pulls on his arm and grows deeply.  "this way, puny!"

sierra giggled and gavin was about to say something inappropriate when danny placed a steaming bowl of kimchi fried rice in front of him.  "eat up, bilbo.  you'll need your strength."

before he could retort Jinkster said, "hey, chaps.  with my keen hunter senses, i...um...sense a fork in the road ahead and a large shaggy dog standing before it."

"a dog, you say?"  Trotter said, putting his hand above his eyes to look ahead.  "i am blessed with keen eyesight from my elven kin.  the dog is black, with splotches of white.  friendly looking."

marian beamed at him.  "good, good!  now you're into the spirit of it.  now, you approach the dog and see him standing in the middle of the path, right before it splits into two directions.  a sign behind has an arrow pointing to the left with the word 'Elsinore.'  the arrow to the right says 'Cemetery.'"

gavin stops shoveling fried rice into his mouth just long enough to gesture to the left with his chopsticks.  "to the left.  let's go."

marian scowls at him and rolls a die.  she looks at the result, consults her papers, rolls two more dice, shakes her head, then says "as you start to walk down the left-hand path, the dog leaps and snaps at your throat, gashing it open, your blood gushing out fiercely.  you gasp, press your fingers against the wound, but it splatters out about them.  you take 25 points of damage."

"WHAT?!"  gavin drops his sticks and foxy grabs his arms instinctively.  the others look at gavin, petrified.  "i only have 12 hit points!"

"what's your constitution?"

"um....14."

marian softens her voice.  "Garvin Sweaterbearer is unconscious and barely alive.  all of you suddenly realize just how perilous this adventure is.  this is no walking party through hobbiton.  it is serious business!  now, be very careful with your next actions.  think!"

"wtf?!"

"okay, okay everyone.  calm down.  we can figure this out," Mysterious Lurker emits a calming, light blue mist around them.

"i'm a cleric, i'll heal him," Seyarrah of the Seven Seas informed them.  "um...." she raises one of gavin's chopsticks into the air.  "Septima, i call upon your grace to restore the health of this tempestuous halfling...and perhaps bump up his charisma stats a little bit while you're at it."

gavin glared at her and snatched his chopstick from her hand.

"good call, Seyarrah," marian praised her.  "now, roll 3d6."

"what's that mean?"

"roll three 6-sided dice, then add up the result.  that will be the amount of points that you heal Garvin."

"oh, got it."  Seyarrah nodded and rolled her 3d6.  "yay, 14!"

"good!  that restores Garvin to consciousness, but he's still in bad shape."

"give me a healing potion, dammit!"

"3d4."

gavin grumbles, picking around the funny dice to find three of the pyramid-shaped ones and rolls.  "um....7.  that's better.  why'd that dog bite me?!"

"the dwarf--he said 'be nice to dog,' remember?" Mysterious Lurker pointed out.  "You started walking off without acknowledging him."

foxy lowers her voice and says, "Malifox reaches down into her bag and pulls out a thick, raw steak and tosses it to the dog. 'here you go, buddy.  this will taste a lot better than hobbit.'"

gavin glared while marian nodded and told Malifox to make a persuasion roll and add her charisma score to it.  Malifox rolls her d20 and says, "15!"

marian starts making nom nom noises.  "the dog tears into the steak, wolfing it down."

"shouldn't he be dogging it down?  he's not a wolf, right?"

marian looks at taylor and growls until he raises his hands defensively.  "sorry, just a little humor."

"the dog wags his tail happily, barks once, and trots down the right-hand path.  he stops after about 10 feet and looks back at them expectantly."  as she says this, marian looks at the others expectantly.

"guess the nice thing to do would be to follow the dog, huh?"

Trotter takes his Martin backpacker guitar and strums a chord.

follow the dog
follow him right
into the fog
into the night
follow him now
follow him true
be nice to him
whatever you do!

"hmph."