Let's Get Ready To GRUMBLE!

"howdy, everyone!" gavin cardigan called out as he entered the Pub.

"how's it going, gavin?" danny blake greeted his friend from behind the bar, where he was pouring him a beer.

"great, since i kicked charles' ass in fantasy football this week!" he beamed, glancing over at the sulking sierra charles. "what's for dinner tonight?"

"huevos conFusion," blake replied. "perhaps the greatest bachelor meal of all time."

"my kinda meal...apparently," cardigan grumbled as he took his beer over to the table to join the others. "good game, charles!"

sierra charles raised an elegant middle finger and held it up for caridgan's inspection.

"now, now," burkie admonished her. "it's just a game."

"hmph," sierra grunted. "he only won by 2 points. if i had played the jets' defense instead of new england's, i would've won."

"you've certainly learned the number one rule in fantasy football," league commissioner linda nulo noted sourly. "claiming a win based on who you didn't start."

"rule number two is to complain that you would've beaten any other team in the league except for the one you played that week," judge st. bishop pointed out, rather smugly.

linda raised her own middle finger, muttering an unkind word under her breath.

"okay, that's enough," burkie said nervously. "it's just a friendly game."

marian elfman made a grumpy face. "why are you here anyway, burkie? you aren't in the league."

"i'm here to make an announcement, on your behalf, as it happens," their handsome creator told her.

"oh! what? what?"

"i'm inviting the entire readership to seek your advice by sending you emails at marianelfman47@gmail.com," he informed the author of the syndicated advice column Don't Be So Melodramatic!

"i have an email account? burkie, you're awesome!" she stood up and did a little victory dance.

it lasted quite a long time.

she finally stopped when danny walked over with caridgan's dinner. "uh, was that clunking?"

marian scrunched up her face and stomped her foot. "not clunk, danny. krump! it stands for Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise!"

"you're kidding, right?" cardigan tucked into his huevos conFusion. "damn, this stuff tastes so much better than it has any right to."

"burkie, can i borrow special assistant hepzibah to help me keep up with all the mail?" marian asked hopefully.

"honey, you forget that burkie only has about 5 readers," taylor young reminded her. "i don't think you'll need a staff."

"hmph."