Lazy Day

"howdy, everyone!" gavin cardigan called out as he entered the Pub.

"howdy, gavin," danny blake greeted him from behind the bar as her poured an ale. "fancy some shrimp & grits tonight, along with some of burkie's french bread?"

cardigan drew in a deep breath of contentment. "life doesn't get better than this."

danny grinned as he handed cardigan his pint. "that's why we're fictional."

"i'll drink to that."

cardigan walked over to join his friends at their regular table. "happy labor day, everybody!"

"what's the purpose of labor day, anyway?" marian elfman asked. "i mean, we celebrate the fact that we have a job by not going to work?"

"i thought it was to celebrate all the great people who were born in september and to give thanks to their mothers who went into labor to deliver them," sierra charles stated, then shook herself. "wait, i don't know why i said that. i wasn't born in september...oh, burkie must've made me say it."

"we're fictional. we weren't born at all," cardigan pointed out.

"i'm undead, so i was actually unborn," taylor young noted, baring his fangs.

"i'm neither dead, nor fictional, so i was very definitely born," benjamin franklin interjected. "in january, as a matter of fact."

"we should have more holidays," danny declared as he delivered cardigan's shrimp & grits and a loaf of bread. "we should have at least one holiday every month, but there aren't any in march, april, june, or august."

sierra stuck her fork into one of cardigan's shrimp and brought it to her mouth. "i agree. maybe we should have a National Shrimp Day."

cardigan glared at her and moved his plate in the opposite direction. "i thought you were a bacon ho'."

"there should be a National Bacon Day, too."

"we already have food holidays like thanksgiving and christmas," taylor said. "we should have a Day of the Dead like they do in mexico. or even better, a Day of the Undead."

"um, i don't think thanksgiving and christmas are supposed to be food holidays," Mysterious Lurker spoke up suddenly. "but i like the idea of a Day of the Dead." she showed off the skull tattoo that suddenly appeared on her left arm.

"we already have Presidents Day and Martin Luther King Jr. day and Memorial Day, so we already celebrate dead people," sierra observed.

"we should celebrate folk singers," tucker put in, strumming a chord.

woody showed us that this land
was made for you and me
dylan taught us it's all right
to question who we be
van zandt flew both low and high
pete seeger overcame
that we don't celebrate their
contributions is a shame

"the arts are certainly underrepresented," the Lurker acknowledged. "but so is the animal kingdom. we should have a National Pet Appreciation Day. right, monte?" she turned toward the cardigan welsh corgi lying on his pillow by the fireplace, who winked at her.

at that moment, judge st. bishop stormed into the Pub. "we should have a day that honors our Constitution," he declared as he approached the table. "it is the foundation of our country's greatness. hey danny, can i get some of this? it smells great."

"super bowl sunday," linda nulo stated with finality. "it probably draws more people together than any other day of the year. which reminds me, the nfl season kicks off this thursday, so get your fantasy rosters ready."

"none of our holidays honor a woman," marian scowled. "we should have a holiday for susan b. anthony or sojourner truth."

"what do you think, gavin?" sierra asked. "you haven't made any suggestions."

"i think we should ask ourselves what we're really after here," cardigan mused. "do we just want to celebrate four deserving causes, or do we want four more paid holidays?"

"four more paid holidays," they all said in unison.

"then let's go the easy route and just legitimize something already observed in those months. for march, i think we can all agree on March 14th. it's not only albert einstein's birthday but also pi day as well as pie day."

"here, here!" the judge raised his pint in agreement.

"for april," cardigan continued, "i'd suggest April 23rd, shakespeare's birthday."

the great elizabethan dramatist blushed as he bussed their table. "you do me great honor, friend cardigan."

"to shakespeare!" marian raised her glass. "now, how about june?"

"easy," cardigan grinned. "June 15th is National Fly A Kite Day in honor of mr. franklin's famous experiment."

the Pub's token founding father rose from his seat and bowed. "glad to be of service!"

"to mr. franklin!" the Lurker leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"and august 16th can be National Rock 'n Roller Coaster Day."

"huh?"

"well, august 16th is both Roller Coaster Day and the anniversary of elvis' death--"

"alleged death," broke in tucker.

"isn't it odd that elvis hasn't shown up in the Pub?" sierra mused. "he seems like a natural for burkie to weave into the story."

"is this foreshadowing?"

"i don't know. after all, we already have a musician here," cardigan indicated tucker.

"how do you know i'm not elvis?" tucker replied, curling his lip.

"oh, no...."