Shallow Waters Run Deep

"greetings!" cardigan hailed as he entered the pub. "what're we eating tonight, danny?"

"vietnamese grilled pork balls in lettuce leaves," danny blake answered, handing cardigan a pint of Bass Ale.

"i'm so glad you do the cooking around here," cardigan grinned, taking his beer and walking over to join the other regulars, who seemed to be in the middle of a lively discussion.

"i don't need an occupation," taylor complained. "i'm a vampire."

marian rolled her eyes. "you're a vampire wannabe, taylor. besides, vampire isn't a profession; it's a species. or, in your case, a whim."

"what's going on?" cardigan asked as he seated himself.

"burkie needs to develop our characters more," marian explained. "neither taylor nor Mysterious Lurker have jobs, for example."

"i lurk," the brown-eyed Lurker stated, appearing suddenly.

"that doesn't pay any more than vampiring," sierra noted. "wait, is vampiring a word? or is it vamping?"

"no, i think you do all the vamping around here, charles," cardigan mused.

"and what about me?" linda nulo lamented. "all i am is tucker's girlfriend. am i a lawyer? doctor? catholic? what pyschological trauma led me to tucker?"

"why does psychological trauma have to be a prerequisite for dating me?" tucker looked puzzled.

the heart she wore around her neck
was golden, strong, and true
the one that beat within her chest
's been broke a time or two
she figured she had paid the price
it's time to make a stand
she's ready now to give her love
to me, the guitar man

"tucker, have you made any CDs yet or sold any songs?" marian asked.

he shook his head. "nope. i play here, but danny only pays me with free food."

"that's an interesting point, tucker," blake commented as he delivered cardigan's meal. "at least tucker does something around here. the rest of you never pay."

the Lurker turned her baby blue eyes on him. "financial transactions aren't interesting, danny. burkie doesn't want to lose his readers by making them read about tedious things like that."

"look, i think you're blowing this out of proportion," cardigan said. "it's just a blog. burkie's readers are only interested in what you're doing at the moment they're reading about you. they don't need to know who your 6th grade teacher was, or what you like for breakfast."

"bacon!" sierra stated for the record.

"migas," linda joined in.

"anything, as long as hash browns come with it," marian declared.

"bloody marys!" taylor flashed his fangs. "and a bowl of count chocula."

"that may be the most disgusting breakfast i've ever heard of," the Lurker shuddered, a tattoo of the quaker oats guy suddenly appearing on her arm. "i'm an oatmeal girl."

"i like burkie's bagels myself," cardigan noted, "but do you think people really care about that?"

"of course!" marian insisted. "character development is essential to crafting a good story."

"well, you seem to be doing okay. you're a columnist, you maintain spreadsheets, you make interesting faces, and you're dating a vampire."

"a clumsy, unemployed vampire."

"who rides a scooter."

"and eats count chocula."

"and dates a columnist."

"see, they know a lot about me," taylor folded his arms smugly, leaning back in his stool. alas, he leaned back too far and crashed to the floor. "i'm all right, i'm all right."

marian rolled her eyes. "too bad you didn't get amnesia. then we could've developed your character from scratch."

"you're just jealous that you don't have super powers like i do."

"or the black darter," added the Lurker, snickering.

"would it help if i were pregnant?" sierra offered.

"you're pregnant, charles?" cardigan looked at her in surprise.

"NO!" sierra looked around indignantly. "burkie made me say that. i am not pregnant!"

"this post is going nowhere" cardigan noted. "slowly."

"i heard that burkie's sick," linda stated. "that's probably why this chapter is so bad."

marian looked skeptical.